Friday, June 18, 2010

Happy Birthday Claire

Angel Weasel Badge

Today is the 8th birthday of a very special little girl. Her name is Claire, she is the daughter of my dear friend WeaselMomma. Claire comes from a beautiful family full of love, my little Niecey and I have had the honor of meeting them and both times we had a blast! Unfortunately we never got to meet Claire, she passed away when she was only two weeks old. Today is a hard day for the Weasels, please remember them in your thoughts and prayers and remember to give your loved ones a little extra love because life is precious and you never know how long you have.

Dear Claire, have a happy birthday up in heaven, you are loved and missed dearly by so many people here, even those like me who never got the chance to meet you.

Note: The organization SIDS of Illinois has helped the Weasel family since Claire passed away. They offer support to families who have lost a baby, education to help prevent SIDS from claiming more babies (In IL incidents of SIDS has gone down 68% with the Back to Sleep campaign!), funds research to try and end SIDS deaths and more. Anyone who wants to support this organization and the invaluable services they provide (the research they fund helps save babies everywhere) can do so here. If you would like to donate in memory of Claire she is listed as "Claire Weasel".

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A Brewmeister's Review: Melbourne Bitter

For your enjoyment, another post written by my Daddy, the Brewmeister:

The Brewmeister is devastated. An idol died, a whole nation of idols, an entire continent of idols died. They had the reputation of being the largest per capita of beer drinkers in the entire world. Says the raven, nevermore.

I was sitting in my lower level thoroughly enjoying a cold mug of Bill’s Cheapass Ale when my daughter came in with a six pack of brew. The label said “Product of Australia”, not licensed in Canada or worse yet made in Wisconsin but made in Australia. This impressed me! I read on. It said “Melbourne Bitter”. The Brewmeister was impressed and honored with a six pack of real beer from the beer consumption capital of the entire world.

I read on; the label said 375 ml. I cannot respect a beer that uses metric measure, it is anti-American liberalism. Real American beer drinkers drink ounces, pints, and quarts. I continued to read; it said 4.6%. Very weak by Brewmeister standards but the Brewmeister respects the fact that about half of the Australian beer drinkers are women. Perhaps if the alcohol content were more realistic the Australian birth rate would be much higher.

Enough about the can and the label, the real proof of a beer comes after it is poured in the mug and tasted. I poured a can of Melbourne Bitter into my favorite mug; it looked like a beautiful Pale Ale or a light Pilsner. It was beautiful. I tasted it; the romance was over. I wanted to spew it out but my daughter would have been embarrassed. I choked it down; It was worse than any supermarket swill I ever tasted, even worse than the Korean brew we drank in the army when we were almost broke.

My heart goes out to the beer drinking people of Australia. They have a colossal advanced case of Richard’s syndrome, their taste buds have atrophied to the point of being nonexistent. Low alcohol swill is their way of life. I have seen pictures of bikini bottom clad Australian women on the beach. Beautiful but they lacked beer bellies and stretch marks. A respectable brew in pint bottles would cure these problems.

Years ago the Foster’s brewing company brewed a beer fit for human consumption called Fosters. Then they gave up their self respect and franchised it to Canada and in the finally degradation franchised it to Wisconsin. Apparently they started drinking their own swill causing their decline into Richard’s syndrome and socialism. Melbourne Bitter should never be drunk by conservative Christian capitalistic persons. Possibly it can be used as a poison to kill Cane Toads.

Can Australians be educated to home brew their own beer? They are in dire need of many, many Mr Beer home brew kits. Everything needed is available on the internet. A few pints of real beer and you won’t have to worry about your boomerang not coming back. She will never leave except to fetch you another pint!!


Friday, March 5, 2010

Reflections on a Perfect Brew

For your enjoyment, and because I've been too busy to write a post of my own, another post written by my Daddy, aka the Brewmeister:

One day the Brewmeister was contemplating his latest masterful creation affectionately called Bill's Kickass Hard Lemonade. He was enjoying the praise coming from his pie eyed youngest when the phone rang. It was his oldest; it was a complaint about his favorite ale*, Bill's Kickass Ale. The Brewmeister was devastated; his prize product was not being loved and appreciated. It was too flavorful, too strong. At first the Brewmeister attributed it to Richard's Syndrome, named after a victim named Richard who drank too much MGD, a form of supermarket swill. His atrophied taste buds regenerated after drinking copious supplies of Bill's Kickass Ale allowing him to rejoin the human race.

The Brewmeister was devastated by this negativity! But rather than sulk in blatant self pity he reacted in a positive manner befitting a Brewmeister. This blatant negativity interacted with his natural creativity stimulated the Brewmeister to create a brand new brew, a reduced flavor brew (The Brewmeister does not acknowledge the legitimacy of so called lite or low carb beer. These are lame attempts to merchandise swill to brainwashed consumers who waste too much time watching television and actually believe their misleading and boring commercials.) After some experimentation, a new product was born, Bill's Cheapass Ale!! It has all the positive attributes of Bill's Kickass Ale but will not overpower the sensitive taste buds of the ladies. Men can enjoy it too**!

Only the Brewmeister can improve what the Brewmeister has created.

~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~

*He is referring to WeaselMomma's review of his Bill's Kickass Ale, click the link in the post to view the video she made of her trying it.

**The new recipe he developed, Bill's Cheapass Ale, is pretty much all he makes now and so he DOES enjoy it, quite regularly, lol!