Snarky Sunday

There I was running late to try and catch the bus (as usual) when this little tidbit caught my eye. I HAD to stop and take the picture just in case someone removed or defaced it and in total disregard to what people would think of someone stopping in their tracks, taking a picture of a garbage can and power walking away (I believe this level of shamelessness is a necessary trait in a blogger).


Now my question is who put it there (and the others I found later)? On the one hand it tells you to vote for him but on the other it is on a trash can...

A Five Year Old's Perspective on Virology

When Niecey came to visit me back in August she of course spent time in every room in my apartment, this of course included the home office/plant room (and thankfully the bathroom, she was a late potty user and almost didn't get to come because I said she had to be potty using in accordance to the state law to be allowed to visit). In said home office/plant room there is a wall that has dark wood paneling. This nasty paneling is actually featured through much of the apartment. I have seen worse but either way I am not a fan of it. To make it more livable for me I decided to cover/decorate it with my GIANTmicrobes collection and some family pictures. Now I actually like the wall, and so did Niecey. There was one microbe in particular that caught her eye, it is the plush for E. coli.


Every year there is this huge student-run/organized (somewhat mostly, the university seems to have a huge hand in it) campus-wide celebration that lasts a week but the main bash is on the weekend. This occurs in April, usually the weather is starting to get better and the frozen tundra begins to thaw so the fact that the buses are totally rerouted that weekend isn't quite as upsetting to me (I am usually stupid enough to try to work that weekend). Every year I try and make a point to visit the undergrad micro club's display and will often buy a shirt from them (they also sell giantmicrobes and sometimes other stuff). Last year they had made little replicas of bacteriophage (aka phage) out of a styrofoam ball, a wood peg and pipe cleaner and were giving them to whomever bought something from them. I was going to buy something anyway but really really wanted the phage. Phage are viruses that infect bacteria. Well I decided to put this little phage on the E. coli plush and thus my tangent now connects with the original logic train.Niecey can be a very curious child, as are most children her age, and so she wanted to know what that thing was doing on that microbe. I gave her a watered down version of phage:bacteria interactions and how viruses work. I am not 100% how well she understands virology at this point, but she does have some conception of it and this is her rather good interpretation of how it works:


This picture is one of my absolute favorites and I will keep it forever! I plan to eventually frame it, she was so happy that I put it on my fridge that I have left it there for now. I love how easy it is to make a child's face light up and their little chest swell up with pride! That is why I always try to pay attention when there are little kids around instead of ignoring them. A kind word from an adult can totally make their day and not much else makes my day better than making someone else's, adult or child but children are usually easier, lol.

~~~~~
Picture 1: Picture Niecey took when she found my camera, this features some of the microbes wall and some of the plants.
Picture 2: Another Niecey pic, this one features the E. coli plush (football shaped with string coming down) and the phage (round thing on top of plush).
Picture 3: Niecey's depiction of a bent rod shaped bacterium being attacked by two phage, the one on the left appears to be injecting its genetic material into the cell while the one on the right appears to be in the attachment phase.

"Tastey" Tuesday

Yesterday I went to the clinic and my amazing nurse sprayed the live attenuated flu vaccine up my nose (get vaccinated!). On the way back to my building across campus I decided I was hungry and since the library is between the clinic and my building and has a cafe this seemed like a good choice. The problem with this location is that the sidewalk leading into the library is a "free speech zone", and is often populated by clubs/people pushing an agenda. It is potentially irritating enough under normal circumstances but as we are quickly approaching the season finally of the "reality" show that is this year's presidential election (November 4, 2008: Find out who the American people will give the rose to and who will get voted off the island. Obama wins the swim suit competition but there is something about a man in uniform...), this area is often infested with annoying politically minded individuals. What's a poor microbiologist to do you ask? Why what she does every night, try to take over the world... oh wait wrong show. The trick to making it through this area unbothered is to not make eye-contact, walk quickly, and look occupied. Luckily for me my wonderful nurse gave me the vaccine info sheet, so I suddenly became engrossed in "reading" it and made it past all of them unscathed. I almost lost it at the register to vote table, they had a hilarious poster thing with people shaped cardboard cut outs with black and white pictures of the candidates' faces stuck on the heads. I wanted to get a picture but there were people manning the table that smell attention just as sharks sense blood.

So I made it past the insanity sidewalk and went to the cafe. All the sandwiches looked gross* and so I decided to not bother with solid foods (I could totally have gotten a cookie, you should all be totally impressed with my healthy choice!) and went to look at the drinks. I found this "health" drink stuff and looked at all the weird juices and concoctions they had to offer while longingly thinking about the AE milk in the next cooler over (I am a milkoholic but need more than just dairy in my diet). I decided the "Chocolate Protein" drink looked the most useful and had the highest probability of being drinkable, plus I decided that it was probably something my dietitian would approve of since she was talking about me drinking ensure and stuff like it to replace meals I don't eat. I think Doc and I need to have a chit chat about the dietitian thing, not sure she is "what the doctor ordered". Perhaps if I go through with the follow up with her it will be more useful if I have more of an idea of what we are aiming at with my seeing her. I have very mixed and confused feelings/thoughts after my first visit with her. Some of it reminded me of the last time I "allowed" Doc to refer me, which was a disaster**.

I actually had warmed up to the idea of seeing her (shh don't tell Doc, it would ruin my reputation) and was hoping she might have had some suggestions of foods I could eat and not get as sick on but she didn't really. Most of the time was spent with my defending myself because she could only see parts of my chart and on paper without context I come off as the worst patient ever to plague a doctor and that I was a waste of his time and hers and she was a waste of mine. But then she switched a bit and wants me to follow up next month, my sucking up to try and get her to not hate me and not think I am a total waste of everyone's time worked I guess. Not sure if she is going to earn a place on Team Karen or not, I think giving her one more try is in order but if the second visit is like the first then I won't go back again. I have enough trouble with feeling like I am a hypochondriac whining to Doc as much as I do and often allow my condition to get really bad before I cave and call him, and like many people I have insecurity issues that cause me to feel that I am a waste of his time (he does NOT make me feel this way). It has taken me quite awhile to realize this and I have been trying to overcome it since it is not healthy to let things go as much as I do, but having a professional practically tell me I am a waste of time does not help.

Anyway, back on topic, I bought the chocolate soymilk drink and left the library. This time I messed up, I glanced back at the poster that amused me earlier and one of the voter registration kids caught me. I quickly told her I already registered and intend to vote but thanks and she threw back a request that I volunteer to help them out, even if for only an hour. I told her sorry but I can't, need to be back in the lab and then I walked away as quick as possible. I am so not standing outside in the freezing cold to try and con idiot children to vote, I figure that if someone is not registered at this point that they have no intention of doing so and that is their choice, besides they are either informed and hate all the candidates or not informed and I don't like the idea of them voting anyway if that is the case. After making it out of that area I took my drink back to my office and made a video for your enjoyment, I think this is the first time I have ever drank soymilk, I've tried a few soy products but not that. Note I did not go to the campus book store, I have no idea why I said that since I am boycotting them and have been boycotting them for a year (they screwed me over). I was too lazy to redo it and besides my camera was running low on battery so it may not have been able to take another video. So here you go, my first soymilk experience and a product review on it.

~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~
*I am a picky eater in general but with my stomach issues I have become extremely picky since I have trouble digesting and can have a food "haunt" me for many hours. The food looked fresh and perfectly edible if it didn't contain nasty (by my definition) ingredients.
**What Doc says goes in the end, he lets me have input (awesome!) and he will let me get away with stuff as long as it won't hurt me so it is kinda like getting my own way and makes me feel more in control of my issues (which some days I totally need). If Doc says I am going to the GI then I am going to the GI, I try and convince him not to send me because I don't like the idea of it and I hated the last doc he sent me to (wrist doc). It is all his fault, if he wasn't so perfectly suited to my personality and the best doctor ever then I would not be quite as reluctant to see someone else. Another factor is the thought of cameras being shoved everywhere and it costing me who knows how much to run worthless tests (I have insurance but it is best for clinic visits). I find the whole thing kinda scary, especially if Doc "gives up" on me, psychologically I kind of see it as if he lets me get away with my crap that means I am not as sick.

Save Edna Jester

So I was checking my AOL mail and I often get distracted by the headlines and click them, especially funny sounding ones. Well I came across this gem and decided to share it with those of you paying attention to the less important news, such as the train wreck upcoming election (that is as political as I plan to get on this blog). Basically it is about an 89 year old woman who was arrested and is being charged with petty theft because some kid(s) threw a football in her yard and she was holding onto it to teach them a lesson.

The neighborhood is divided on this issue, according to the video this has been an ongoing issue with her and the neighborhood kids/families (or at least the one). To me I think the fact that she has made it clear she is annoyed with the kids having their balls go into her yard and got to the point of keeping them for however long to reinforce this that the parents' of these children should use it as an opportunity to teach their children about respecting their elders/neighbors, hell they should have already taught them. Is she being harsh, perhaps, but at the same time I would be very frustrated myself if someone was being disrespectful of me and my property (something I had to deal with in the lab yesterday) and if it was a kid that their parents did not teach them manners. According to the youtube video I found the "kid" is a teenager who got a job and bought it with his own money. I'm sorry but if a kid is old enough to have a job they should be old enough to know better than to mess with their elderly neighbor and perhaps old enough to go to the nearest park to play if their yard is too small.

Perhaps it is the way I was raised, I was expected to be polite and respectful of my elders. When we went somewhere I was expected to follow the rules of that place, even if it was something that was otherwise considered fine behavior for home. I plan to raise my potential offspring in the same way. If I knew my neighbor was bothered by something I or my kids did then I would try to talk it out with them to come up with a solution/compromise. Is it Edna's place to try and teach a little respect to the urchins next door, not really, but at the same time what are her other options if the parents don't do their job? Perhaps it is a silly issue to make such a big fuss over but at the same time it does bring up valid points, and really what means something to one person may mean something else to another.

Perhaps I am relating to Edna and reading too much into the issue given my issues with one of my coworkers (Prof Wannabe for those keeping track). But that is for another post.


FYI: I am working a lot right now and it is significantly limiting my blog writing and reading. I have set myself on a schedule that does not involve days off, it is not as bad as it sounds, some days I have very little to do so it is practically a day off, but there is always something that needs doing that totally gets in the way of blogging. Plus I didn't want to post and have my contest get burried (check it out, post below this, contest deadline has been extended to the 31st). Hopefully I can catch up at some point, miss you guys!

Contamination Fairy Drawing Contest [Updated]

Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a lab far far away there worked a microbiologist. For several years this microbiologist did her job, learned how to work with her cultures and developed methods that would allow her to test the objectives of her projects. She had her share of problems along the way, perhaps more than her share some might argue, but that was in the past and she was ready to put it all behind her as much as possible and move forward. About this time she was asked to help get another grad student trained in the art of working with her cultures. This concept made the microbiologist a bit nervous, the last time she had been in charge of training someone had been in her days of being a deli slave and it had not always gone well. As a deli slave whenever they hired someone it tended to be someone older that her and they did not always take kindly to a "stupid kid" trying to teach them how to do something. She quickly found out that V was not like that, working with V was great!

For awhile everything was happy and productive in the lab far far away, the only problems the microbiologist and V had were minor and they got through each of them without any trouble. They worked so well together, the microbiologist did not feel as isolated being the only one not working with pathogens and under a different professor in the lab anymore. And then one day the microbiologist looked at her plates and noticed that there were different looking colonies on her plates and when she looked at them under the microscope they were not the same, she had contamination! She decided that perhaps she had been using the same stock tube to get her cultures from too long and switched. That seemed to fix the problem at first until V showed the microbiologist her new plates, they were beyond contaminated, the Bifidobacteria had been totally overrun and there was nothing but contamination visible. They went back and forth a few times, sometimes V's plates were contaminated and the microbiologist's were fine, sometimes the reverse has been true, sometimes they have both had contamination...

About a month of testing and the source did not reveal itself and the microbiologist and her boss decided they should try moving forward again. And so they did, V made a new batch of yogurt and the microbiologist did her final preliminary run before getting going on her project at long last. The microbiologist waited anxiously for V's plates to come out of the incubator so she could look at them to see if she spotted any problems, and they looked fine. Then she took her own out, and they were quite obviously contaminated, she was crushed! The joy of getting back on track was derailed much like a toy train in the presence of a toddler. Being one that does not like to show such emotions in front of others the microbiologist took a few deep breaths and did what she does in such situations, she tried to make it funny, laughing is way better than crying! And thus the Contamination Fairy was conceived.

The Contamination Fairy is an evil fairy that likes to mess with the poor microbiologist's head. It randomly attacks the microbiologist and V's cultures leaving no trace of how it came in so the microbiologist is helpless to stop it from getting in that way again. It has been said that in order to beat your enemy you have to know your enemy, and this is where you come in dear readers. I am asking you and or your kid(s) to draw me pictures of what you/your kid(s) think the contamination fairy looks like. To give some incentive I am offering the winner their pick of one of the GIANTmicrobes. Here are the rules:

1. Each person can submit one picture, it can be anything from being drawn on paper using crayons/pencils/marker, it can be drawn with a computer program like adobe or pc paint, it can be a picture of a play doh/clay sculpture, as long as it is in good taste it can be entered. If you have several kids who can be conned into playing then each can make their own and be entered. To make it easier please make one comment per individual on this post, I will publish your comment after I receive the picture so you will know that I got it.
2. Electronic submissions are best, you can upload them on a hosting site and drop me a link in the comments, use this contest as blog fodder and link me to your post about it, or e-mail them to microblogologist@yahoo.com. I will allow certain people to mail me entries (no anonymous requests, I have to have some sort of proof that you are not a serial killer ;)), e-mail me and we'll discuss it.
   
3. Since I am allowing the idea of snail mail I will arbitrarily have the contest end on October 31, 2008 to give time for it to get here, I must receive all entries before 5pm central (3pm west coast, 6pm east) on the 31st. Winner will likely be announced that evening or on the 1st of November depending on how busy I am.
   
4. I have an international reader or two I think, not sure of the logistics of sending you the prize but I am more than willing to try to figure it out if you want to participate and have your art chosen.
5. This is just a silly contest and the prize is a silly stuffed toy that costs about $8. Don't take it too seriously and get mad if you don't win or something. Trying to sue me would be pointless, I owe the bank more than I am worth. (This should be unnecessary but you never know...)
   
6. Keep it clean, I will disqualify any entry I wouldn't be willing to show my niece (who is 5) and like the idea of decorating my lab bench with them.
   
7. Since I am only going to allow for one winner and have this open to everyone I plan to use a random number generator or something like that to pick the winner. I HATE picking favorites of pretty much anything and one cannot really compare a drawing done by an adult or older child with a younger one. This is why I ask for one comment per entry.
   
8. GIANTmicrobes inc is not aware of this contest, they are not liable for anything having to do with it (please don't sue me GIANTmicrobes, I love you guys!)
9. A few lines explaining why you/the kid made it the way they did would likely amuse me greatly (and would be a hilarious blog post that would totally write itself) but you don't need to, I would like to know the age of the kiddies so I can do the "That is sooooo cute!" thing.
10. Most importantly be creative and have fun!

**Edited to extend the contest deadline since I have not gotten a single entry =(. Niecey and Cheryl both made me pictures (I am not counting them in the "contest"), they are awesome and are currently hung with pride on my lab bench. Perhaps they will help spark someone's imagination:
Oh and special thanks to Deb, she wrote a totally sweet post about me and pimped this contest, it made my day! She is one of my favorite bloggers, which makes her the equivalent of a celebrity in my world, not only does she write hilarious posts but you get a bonus mini-post if you read the labels she puts on her posts. I totally try to copy her with mine but definitely do not have her talent for it! Oh and her linky love caused a huge jump in my google analytics stats, I have named the spike in the graph Deb's Peak. Thank you so much Deb!

Spread Plating and Guess That Gizmo

Before I showed you streak plating, that is a method that is often used when checking for contamination and is supposed to result in isolated colonies that originate from a single organism that lands on a spot and grows there until it forms a visible area of growth in the form of a dot. Spread plating is a very common method that is used to enumerate the bacteria in a sample. Most of my studies have to do with how well my bacteria survive in different environments and so I do dilutions to get a smaller number of bacteria per mililiter and spread plate the dilutions and see how many colonies I get, the concept behind said colonies is the same as for streak plating.

The two dilutions I commonly make are 1 in 100 (1 part of sample into 99 parts diluent) and 1 in 10. When I plate the sample I plate 0.1 ml so that adds another 1 in 10 dilution in the end. I multiply the number of colonies on the resultant plates by the number of times I diluted and it gives me the number of cells per ml in the original sample. Not diluted enough the bacteria form a smear across the plate, if too diluted then only a few colonies if any are present, I want approximately 20-250 colonies to have what is considered statistically significant results. And at risk of losing all of my beloved readers and having Baby Sibling make fun of how incredibly dorky I am I have made a video of me doing a dilution set and spread plating it:

Here are two plates, the one on the left I used the spread plating technique and the one on the right I streak plated:

You are still here??? Great! Now that you have gotten to laugh at me how about giving me a laugh or two (with you not at you), it is time for the next Guess That Gizmo!
Sorry about the not so sticky biohazard sticker, they just don't make 'em like they used to I guess:
And remember, this is a semester long contest so new readers can participate too, here are the rest of the Fall 2008 Semester GTGs:
Gizmo 1
Gizmo 2
Gizmo 3

The Adventures of Super Yeast: First Batch

Greetings dear reader(s), I know some of you have been waiting for this for a long time well here it is, the first batch of Super Beer has been brewed and tasted. Daddy was kind enough to write up the experience and send it to me for your enjoyment. Besides the fact that I didn't have to write it myself what I love most about this post is that this is exactly how my father talks/tells a story, LOVE it! I will be adding my thoughts in the "Copy LiteralDan Section" (see Dan, I am linking you so your tech thingy will go up, I get minion points right?). So without further ado here is the next installment of The Adventures of Super Yeast:

Once upon a time there was a very nice, but very sober and boring, Grandfatherly person who had a very sensitive and loving daughter who, noticing her beloved father's sad plight solved his problem: She bought him a MrBeer homebrewing kit. At first his miserable existence took a turn for the worse; he had to listen to vast quantities of bitching and nagging* about the house smelling like a brewery. Ignoring bitching females** is a character trait that must be developed for a man to stay sane. Others include the babble filter*** and the random noncommittal grunt communication technique****. In any event, although it seemed like an eternity, the brew was ready, but alas it was wimpy. It was far better than supermarket swill but wimpy. Also the wimpy MrBeer kit cost a lot more than supermarket swill.*****

A drinkable brew must have:

1. Great taste tailored to the individual. If I like it it is good otherwise it sucks.
2. Potency otherwise we can just drink Kool aid and enjoy pissing.
3. Ease of production. I use liquid malt extract (LME) rather than barley for that reason.
4. Low cost, about 1/3 the price of supermarket swill. Buy the LME in bulk.

I now consume about five gallons of my home brew per month which I am still striving to perfect, along with a little help from my good friend Richard. Richard had a handicap which developed over the years. His taste buds atrophied from drinking MGD****** for far too long. His mind was going too as he started believing the MGD commercials on TV. He condescended to try my brew just to prove me wrong. Then he realized what he likes the most about my brew: it was free!! Since then his taste buds have completely regenerated and his mind is coming back. At least he no longer sings along with MGD commercials (not that he could sing anyway)*******.

My loving daughter provided me with a sample of a new Industrial grade, genetically enhanced yeast (aka Super Yeast) tailored to quickly produce ethanol in copious supply and high concentration to replace gasoline. I brewed a 2 ½ gallon batch with it as a test. It fermented quickly (2 days vs 1 week). It looked a little darker than my earlier brew but no big deal.

I sampled the new stuff tonight (1 12 oz bottle). The bitterness of the hops was apparent as the sugar was totally consumed by the Super Yeast. One bottle bent my head about the same as a 16 oz bottle with normal brewers yeast. If I made a really nasty******** batch I would use the Super Yeast. If I used it for a normal batch I would have to add some non-fermentable sugar to sweeten it. It might make good Christmas gifts for some redneck relatives*********. Just imagine a 50 proof********** beer would do for your reputation. I really like the last batch and will continue with it with minor changes, if any. I am naming it Bill's Kickass Ale #1.

BILL'S KICKASS ALE #1

Add 2 Gal water to brewing kettle and heat to 160 deg F

Add ½ # of Wheat Malt to aid Head Retention

Steep at 160 deg F for ½ hour

Heat to boil;

Add 1 oz of Vanguard hops (alpha acid 4.4%)

Boil for 30 min;

Add 1 oz of Spalt hops (alpha acid 2.2%)

Boil for 15 min more;

Add 6.6# of Liquid malt extract

Add 1# Corn Sugar

Add Water for 5 Gallons total in fermentor

Aerate; Add Yeast when temp is under 70 deg F

After 1 week transfer to secondary.

After 1 week transfer back to primary fermentor.

Add ¾ cup of corn sugar and stir well. Bottle

After 2 or 3 weeks it is ready!!!!

Note: I prefer to use leaf hops but due to diminished hop availability

I had to use hop pellets. I can look at hops plugs and see what I

am getting but with pellets I could be using lawn clippings or

worse and never be sure.

-----Copy LiteralDan Section-----

*My mother tends to be a bit vocal when she doesn't like something, and by bit I mean a lot, a whole lot, enough to get her way 99% of the time not only at home but everywhere.

**Mainly my mother but he also has three daughters and a granddaughter so is quite outnumbered and outgunned. He is not as chauvinistic as he sounds, it is part of his sense of humor, which can be quite warped.

***Babble Filter = Ignoring/tuning out people.

**** The random noncommittal grunt communication technique = pretend you are listening by making noises every once in awhile. Note that this is not always the most effective method, it works better if someone is ranting and raving but not seeking advice just venting, I totally know when he is doing it much of the time.

*****Supermarket swill = any store bought beer that was cheap enough for him to be willing to buy prior to him brewing his own beer and becoming a total beer snob.

******There has always been a "friendly" debate between Uncle Richard and Daddy over the worth of MGD. Daddy is convinced that MGD is just as good as the cheap crap he always bought (red dog and busch usually) while Richard has always maintained its superiority and that it is worth the extra money to buy it.

*******This is actually believable, and Richard can definitely sing, though maybe not so much after a bottle of home brew given the significantly higher percentage of ethanol.

********High ethanol concentration.

*********He totally means my cousins, his sister had three boys to my family's three girls. I don't think they are all that redneck but Daddy loves to say they are, perhaps because they live in the middle of nowhere Michigan.

**********Given enough sugar the Super Yeast will produce up to about a 50 proof beer, the batch he made used the amount of sugar that he uses for a normal batch of beer. The normal yeast will generally stop producing ethanol before they run out of sugar since they can only tolerate a certain percentage of ethanol, since it has a significanly higher tolerance the Super Yeast used up all the sugar and made a stronger beer but in this batch it is not likely at the 50 proof concentration. If I run into one of the engineers that work with it I think I will ask them how much sugar they use in their fermentation broth to max it out but not have too much left over.

Around the Petri Dish: A Tale of Lab Drama

Have I got a lab drama story for you. The other day I was working in the lab with V and S2. V was plating her yogurt samples, S2 was doing dishes and I was plating what will hopefully be the last preliminary study before I get going on my broth study. We were all working in the same general area, V was totally taking over my bench, bench hog*! And as is not an uncommon occurrence we started chit chatting as we worked. The subject you ask, our favoritest coworkers ever, the visiting prof and PW, mostly VP. VP is leaving at the end of the month, we are talking about having a party, after his plane takes off safely. We were discussing different annoying aspects of working with him. I had already heard how he tends to stroke V's arm as she plates, and he gave her a lecture about how women menstruate (oh thank God, I was wonder what that monthly bleeding thing was, thought I was going to die!) and somehow this is proof that we are fragile and V should be taking care of her husband and popping out offspring, which is hard for her to do right now since her hubby is across the pond and for the past year they've been working on the paperwork to have his limey butt imported. How come we can import everything else into this country hot off the Chinese presses but it takes a year to get a brit approved. I mean come on, he says things like "Bollocks" and quite possibly "Wanker", ooo he might say "Bloody hell"! Or he might say, "Bloody hell you wanker, you stroking my dearest wife V's arm while she is trying to plate is bollocks!" *digressing alert* (seriously if there was a digressing alert I could so use it, though it wouldn't shut up ever and I would have to kill it)

Well he has also decided to pet S2, she was so thrilled to be in with the in crowd. I am so thrilled that I give off "don't touch me" vibes strong enough for even him to pick up on them and only get the occasional awkward arm pat, one pat and it is done, no stroking/petting. I think he is trying to initiate a hand shake with me but I ignore the signal since I am not sure and I don't want to do the hand shake thing. I don't want to touch him (I don't want to touch most people, his creepy vibes put him high up on the list of people I don't want to touch), my right wrist is messed up and I am very protective of it (I let my doc shake it) but know that offering him the left would not just be odd in US culture but as I recall his culture it is a serious offensive gesture (as is telling women they should be home taking care of the family is in ours...) and last it is a fricking path lab!

We discussed his various annoying traits. Laughed that PW had to babysit him. Exchanged theories about how he tries to get us to do his work but playing dumb and/or pretending he doesn't know English enough to understand you trying to explain what he needs to do until you get frustrated and just do it for him. I saw his CV the other night and there is absolutely no way he shouldn't know exactly what he is doing, not like our lab uses anything high tech, that is the other two path labs on our floor, we are old school. My method of dealing with this, act as if I have no idea what he is trying to say. You wanna pretend you don't know English? Fine neither do I! What? How do you what? Huh?

Normally I am overly helpful in lab, especially to new people, but I saw through his games and do no like being taken advantage of. I have never accepted his offers of help and will never help him do his lab work. I don't trust him to be able to work with my bug, the two people in the lab capable of it (well besides Dr. M) are V and myself, it would not take very long to "train" any of the other lab workers (the main thing is making sure it is soaked completely into the plates) but it is MY job and I will do it. I won't help anyone else (besides V if she is in a bind) since I don't want to work with the pathogens and with my wrist I have to be careful not to overdo it with just my stuff.

We made some jokes about how he and PW would make a great reality TV show, like one they watch on MTV that I never heard of... I brought up how if he pet me like he did them I would "accidentally" hit him or something, preferably in such a way to break the blood:testes barrier.** We definitely amused ourselves at his expense and somewhat loudly. What we didn't realize was that he had managed to get back into the lab without our seeing it, he had been in and out and we apparently saw the most recent out but missed the in, oops! We feel guilty and amused at the same time. We were blowing off steam/stress he causes but at the same time it was not a nice/professional thing to do. We don't really know if he could hear/understand what we were saying. M was hanging out in the lab office sitting next to him but he wasn't listening for our dialog and therefore had no idea if it was understandable from across the entire lab... I doubt he did since while he knows English better than he lets on much of the time he doesn't understand it all that well. And really, we could have gotten him kicked out of the lab for sexual harrassment if we so desired, I think being the butt of our jokes is the least he could do ;).



-----Copy LiteralDan Section-----
*V knows about the blog, I wanted some feedback about this aspect of the blog and she was kind enough to give it to me. I share my bench with her and moved my stuff over to S's bench since we both happen to be in and plating at the same time, this may be the first time it has happened since we started working "together" (separate projects but we share almost everything like lab partners). It was totally no big deal for me to move but she felt guilty, calling her a bench hog is totally teasing her if she reads this post (Hi V!).
**There are certain areas that blood does not directly pass into, the brain is one as are the testes. Breaking the blood:testes barrier can sterilize a man. Course it is too late, he has already reproduced and has a daughter in the mix, never know if he will have more though. While I tend to be at least somewhat to each their own I find it sad that girls in other cultures are raised to believe they are inferior and don't have any options other than getting married and making babies, which is a great and valid thing to do but women should have the option to do something else if it is not their thing.

Stabbed and Irradiated

~~~~~Note: I will not publish any comments that are negative towards my doctor. I do NOT want anyone to go all worry wart on me, that is my mother's job and trust me when I say she is very good at it. My issues are not life threatening, they are annoying, it could be so much worse. Seriously, read Dream Mom, if anyone can help you put your own issues into perspective it is her. Oh and grab a tissue before clicking over, much of her writing is powerful and you may well fall in love with her Dear Son!~~~~~

I have what I consider a rather unique relationship with my doctor. He is seriously awesome, he treats me with respect and doesn't get all uppity when I disagree with him. He is secure enough in his doctorhood to have a patient question him, no need for an extra large stethoscope to overcompensate for anything. He takes the time to answer my questions and lets me have input in my treatment plan when possible knowing it will work better if it suits my lifestyle. I don't feel like I am just one more patient on his schedule, he takes the time to get to know me as a person and treats me like an intelligent human being. When I saw him the second time after not seeing him for over a year I was shocked that he totally remembered me and my personality, he told me that when he forgets a patient it is time for him to retire. I've totally been spoiled forever and am going to hate losing him after I get my degree! Seriously I doubt I will ever find a doctor that comes even close to him. He puts up with my silliness, like asking him if flomax (prostate drug) is right for me, and after reading an article about a study that found that the appendix has a purpose* I told him I wanted a transplant since I had mine out at 17 (the answer was no to both of course). I generally go in with at least one crazy treatment suggestion to throw at him, and he on the spot totally has a comeback for each, wish I was that quick, his question as to what I ingest threw me off so bad I couldn't really think of anything on my admittedly short list, part of it is that I am still experimenting and looking for foods that "agree" with me.

So this week Doc decided that he wanted to see me, I had sent him a whiny e-mail (I bet he is totally regretting being listed on stalker net, aka the school directory) about side effects of the current drug and such and he decided that my concerns warranted an in person consult (how cool is it that he is willing to talk to me over the phone when it is something simple!) and that perhaps I was finally annoyed with my issues enough to cave on the referral issue. He is trying to get me to see a GI doc, a very specific one, out of the four that are in network there is one and only one that he will send me to (I think it is less about talent of said GI doc and more orneriness of said patient, though he says the doc is great too). He has been pimping the GI doc for months, and I have been shooting it down for months. Last year he sent me to an ortho for my wrist, Dr. Jerk-face pissed me off so bad that almost a year later I am still livid at him (Dr. Jerk-Face not Doc, Doc had no idea I would be treated like I was). Dr. Jerk-Face told me that there was nothing he could do since it was pretty much every tendon in my wrist messed up and if it focused to one he could inject it but otherwise there were no options (funny my doc thought of several and my wrist is functional now because of it). That was fine but then he went on to tell me I should have gotten better by then (it was several months in a splint and medicated with anti-inflammatories) and maybe something is wrong with my body's ability to heal and my immune system and perhaps my diet was lacking (I actually ate decent at that point) but he didn't ask what my diet was like and didn't answer any of my questions about what seems like pretty serious issues he brought up and if there was something lacking in my diet that could have fixed me I was almost guaranteed to try it. Then he gets up and walks out of the room, while I am in the middle of asking him something! I wasn't even ornery with him, he just dismissed me as if I were a waste of time, who gives a shit about a worthless broken microbiology grad student when there are football players to poke and prod, they are so much more worthy**!

Oops, I digressed, a lot, like normal! So Doc has been trying to get me to see the GI doc and I have been dodging it with everything I can think of. Several reasons, Dr. Jerk-Face is one of them obviously, but more that I adore MY Doc and his nurse and don't want to have anyone else, and there is a bit of a psychological thing of if he is willing to let me get away with it that means it isn't so bad because we both know that he can and will put his foot down (which is why I have an appointment with a dietitian even though I think it is a total waste of everyone's time) if and when he deems it necessary and I will do what he says. He prefers us to be in agreement about whatever it is but ultimately he is the doctor and I am his patient and he will do what is best for me even if I don't like it. A big reason I want to avoid the GI is that I know he will likely make me have all kinds of tests, and he will likely not be a happy camper if I try to get out of any of them. While some tests are likely a good idea for me, there are some that I think would just be a waste of time and money, like I know food stays in my stomach way longer than it is supposed to, I don't need to spend all day in front of an x-ray or whatever to prove it. Either way, after my whiny e-mail he was going to put his foot down, and after a bit of protest just for show I was going to cave and go, it was time and I had to compete with the other bloggers in my blog roll who have cool medical pics, like Deb! And of course NukeDad and I could totally compete/commiserate about the wonderful life of having a defective GI tract, only his test showed he might be pregnant and I am definitely not (I'll so watch for you on Oprah! Oh try to make her show when I'll be in Chicago next and we can totally hang out!).

The receptionist had given me a survey card so they could see how much time I spent in each of the 4 locations in the clinic, exam room, lab, x-ray, and pharmacy. I told Doc he had to send me to each so I could fill in all the boxes, he told me he was going to send me to the lab but not x-ray. He did the exam and I mentioned the palpability of my large intestine and admitted that sometimes it hurt, usually during water aerobics. Up until now all my issues were upper GI, I was reluctant to admit the colon issue because that brings lower into the picture and I did NOT want lower GI in the picture! He then told me I get a trip to x-ray after all. I wander over, get stabbed by a nice vampire, and then got irradiated twice. In that time Doc was telling my nurse to get ready to submit my referral for the GI doc, I was definitely going! Then he looked at the pretty picture the nice lady had took of me and became the first person to accuse me of being full of shit/crap and mean it literally (he didn't actually say shit, nor crap, he laughed when I did though as did my beloved nurse). We'd already discussed that I have no problem going to the bathroom and do so on a regular basis so I was pretty shocked that my colon resembled the road between my apartment and campus that is under construction and down to one lane in each direction.

Bringing lower GI into the mix made my acceptance of going to the GI fly out the window. I had come to terms with the idea of having a camera down my throat, especially if I got pictures, but I am totally not into the idea of a camera shoved anywhere else, in particular one that I would feel way too uncomfortable to blog about! Once a year lady doc visit is bad enough, can't I have one unviolated hole, is that so much to ask!? The amusing thing to me was that the new symptom may or may not be a huge reason I am sickly and so Doc let me off the hook on the GI referral, for now, and gave me a med to get things flowing, but not flomax ;). If I am not doing better in two weeks he is shipping me off and I got nothing left to stall it with. My nurse was quite shocked that I had dodged the referral again, she expected me to be sent to her not the pharmacist, but then so was I! I thought extra symptoms would guarantee my one way ticket not give me a miracle dodge with the potential of getting rid of the referral threat. So for your enjoyment, the proof that I am literally full of shit and not just figuratively:

One last fact that I find amusing, Doc can't e-mail me back to protect my privacy, but being a somewhat shameless blogger who loves the full of shit line so much there was no way I can not post about it I think the privacy thing is kinda shot!

-----Copy LiteralDan Section-----

* It is now believed that the appendix is a area that good bacteria hang out in and if something happens to wipe out the other beneficial microbes in the intestines they can help to recolonize. The bacterial community in the human GI tract is very important, that is why it is common for one to get diarrhea when on antibiotics, they don't differentiate between the good and bad bacteria and then an opportunistic pathogen can take over and wreck its own havoc. Normally the intestines are filled with bacteria and one way they help is to take up all the room so many pathogens can't establish themselves. This is why a normal healthy adult can eat honey but one is not supposed to give it to babies, honey can contain botulism spores and they can colonize and cause a very fatal infection.

** To be fair (not that the jackass deserves it), I've talked to others who have seen him and worked with him and he was nice/respectful to them and treated them and none were athletes. I can understand him feeling there was nothing he could do for me, but to bring up possible issues and not being willing to discuss them with me?! Doc has me a bit spoiled with the degree to which he is willing to discuss issues with me but all the other docs I have seen have been more communicative, and that list includes two orthopedics, one for my knee and one for my wrist when I had wrenched it.

Swabbing the Decks and Guess That Gizmo

So I've been thinking about doing this for awhile now, debating it with myself as to if it would be an interesting and educational interactive series or if it would just cause more of what I call microphobia, and then there is the possibility no one will be interested. Microphobia is the term I use to describe the irrational fear of bacteria/microbes/germs. You see the vast majority of bacteria and other microorganisms are harmless and a lot are in fact beneficial and we need them. Within the human body there are more bacterial cells than there are human cells, I think that is so cool (yes I am a total nerd, this is well established). Microbes are used to make food and beverages, like bread, beer, wine, yogurt, some sausages, cheese, etc.

Diabetics can thank bacteria for their insulin, back in the day they used to extract insulin from animals like goats, horses and sheep, this would work for awhile but eventually the human immune system would mount an attack on the foreign substance. Knowing the structure of human insulin scientists converted the protein structure into DNA code and inserted it into E. coli* which turned it into an insulin factory and diabetics no longer have to worry about running out of animals their body hasn't already rejected. Of course there are bad microbes out there that can cause disease, spoil food (which can be good**) and other undesirable things, but they are in the minority. Even the bad can be good, Clostridium botulinum, the causative agent of botulism, makes the most potent toxin known to man but it has medicinal and cosmetic uses***.

What's the point? Oh yeah, I had a point! The point is that sometimes I have a plate or 10 that doesn't grow, normally I would just throw it away since it is not considered good technique to try and plate a new sample on it. I also have Q-tips that I could toss in the sterilizer. And so dear readers if you are curious as to what is present on some surface that I have access to and isn't obscene I am willing to swab it, if and when I have the time, and if anything cool grows I'll take a picture and write a post about it and give you some linky love if you have a blog. So if you think this is a cool idea and you have something in mind leave a comment to this post telling me what you want swabbed, if it is something I think is disturbing or gross (like naughty bits, besides I can already tell you boy parts usually are covered in Staphylococcus and girl parts have mainly lactic acid bacteria) it won't be published. Bacteria and fungi are pretty much everywhere so it is highly likely something will grow, I do however use a media that is made for lactic acid bacteria and not all microbes are culturable (most aren't) so I won't guarantee something will grow but most likely something will. Oh and I do not have the time nor the supplies to identify the organism(s) that grows, sorry.

And it has been awhile (again) so here is the next Guess that Gizmo:
Remember, Guess That Gizmo is a semester long contest, here are the other Fall 2008 GTG's:
Fall 2008 1
Fall 2008 2
Rules





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*E. coli is usually a harmless organism that most people are colonized with, there are a few pathogenic strains which of course can cause disease but the vast majority of E. coli strains are harmless and potentially beneficial.
**While food spoilage is generally a bad thing it does have the benefit of preventing people from eating potentially dangerous food.
***Botox is botulinum toxin, it can be used to treat spastic disorders, excessive sweating, and of course the more famous use would be reducing wrinkles. Personally I think it is insane to inject that toxin into someone for cosmetic reasons, there have been deaths associated with it as I recall. 1mg of the toxin is theoretically capable of killing 1,000,000 hamsters/guinea pigs (I have heard of this study not seen it).