Friday, September 5, 2008

Natural Selection

Dear Neighbor,

You do not know me, we "met" when natural selection almost used my oldsmobile to select against you. Not sure what you did to piss off the car in the left lane but I recognized what she/he was doing when they suddenly slowed down, I totally helped them out and sped up a bit to block your ass. I love to do such things to complete morons such as yourself, because I could tell right away that you are a complete moron. Let us explore the scenario. I was speeding, going about 40 in a 35 zone, which is about how I normally drive. The natives often will go 5-10 over the limit, I try to keep it down to more around 5 myself having Illinois plates (though them being firefighter memorial plates probably helps cancel the potential out-of-state plates disadvantage). The car in the left lane (ahead of mine) was probably going about 45 at first until you pissed them off, then they slowed significantly. You my dear defective neighbor were trying to get past me, which I did not notice at first since I was watching what was happening in front of me so that I could safely make my right turn into our neighborhood and not hit a pedestrian while doing so. I am willing to bet you would have cut me off had it not been for the left lane car you pissed off, I suspect by tailgating them. I was quite shocked that you did not try to squeeze between the small gap between my car and theirs, probably the brain cell that allowed you to get accepted into this university was working hard trying to convince you not to do something that suicidal, I wish you had more of them!

So you did not get ahead of me, you backed off and got behind me, tailgating me and coming close to wacking me as I had to stop because a pedestrian darted across right as I started to make the turn. I guess my right turn signal and being half way into the turn didn't register with her. This is a common occurance in this town and one you should have also anticipated and so given more space between our vehicles to allow for the sudden stops to avoid taking part in natural selection, but then your survival instincts have been in question from the start of this letter. So we made our turn and then you managed to show an even greater lack of intellegence coupled with what I consider blatant disregard to public safety.

Perhaps you have not noticed but there are these things called speed limits, the speed limit in our neighborhood is 15 mph. I go a bit faster than that but am always 100% focused, especially when the sun is still out, for children. Perhaps you have not noticed but this neighborhood is predominantly family housing, there are a lot of children running around, you know those small people who run around and don't always pay attention to where they are doing so. Maybe, Darwin forbid*, you have one or more of your own. Also something that seemed to escape your notice is that we were driving up a hill and the road is curved in that place and lined with huge pine trees, which coupled with the fact that Americans drive on the right side of the road makes you passing me on this stretch of asphalt a definite risk of getting into a head on collision with someone. It is not like this is a long road nor was I driving super slow, are you that desperate to get home 10 seconds sooner that you would risk your life to do so, because that is definitely what you did. And another huge factor that makes all of the above extra bad, you were on a midsized motorcycle (not harley).

Let me explain since it seems you don't get this. Buses are bigger than cars, cars are bigger than motorcycles, motorcycles are bigger than pedestrians. The reverse is generally true for manuverability. So you zipping around trying to pass everyone, tailgating, and not obeying the rules of the road (don't think I didn't notice your "rolling" stop) puts the pedestrians at risk and you at risk, not to mention the damage hitting you would do to my car. My order of concern in this situation is first to the pedestrians, then my car, and then you. The blatant stupidity of your actions shows you disregard not only your own safety but the safety of those around you and so the only reason I would avoid hitting you is the damage it would cause my car, you do not deserve to have a license (assuming you have one actually) nor a vehicle.

And to top it all off, just when I thought that you had finished demonstrating your severe lack of sense, you rode your motorcycle onto the sidewalk and I am going to figure you drove it to your building. The children generally are pretty good at not darting into the streets too badly but they are definitely not on the lookout on the sidewalks! Sidewalks are for pedestrians you asshole! I am going to guess that you park your bike on your porch to avoid paying the parking fee, which I will admit shows some intellegence, though seriously it would be put to better use in learning and following basic safety rules/laws. A more responsible approach to the sidewalk thing is to stay on the street until you are in front of your building and then do the motorcycle equivalent to walking your bike. Would it take you a little extra time and effort, yes, would it help prevent you running into a small child, I very much believe so. Oh and I am thinking when I go to renew my parking sticker that I will see if I can have a chat with the police about how to get your ass busted for the sidewalk stunt, because I know you do it whenever you use that bike and it would not be difficult to get on camera.

I sure hope you are an organ donor! Good thing they don't do brain transplants, though you could use one!!!!!


*I am not an athiest, saying Darwin was fitting and amusing, so no one is allowed to get offended.

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