Thanks Daddy...

Tonight I was harassing talking to my baby sister on the phone when my dear father person started laughing hysterically. Worried that he might have drank too much of his home brew, or was getting sudden onset senility or something we inquired what he found so funny. Turns out he somehow discovered what he has dubbed my theme song on youtube. It is a blast from the past, he thinks it came out when he was in high school or maybe jr. high, so back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth. And what had my father cackling and risking brain damage due to laughing too hard to breathe? Well my dearest readers it was a song about people who are altitude-challenged like me and he learned how to send links on skype just so he could share it with me, behold my alleged theme song:

Now the question is would he have dared link me that song if he was aware of how kick ass I've become due to my water aerobics classes? I mean would YOU mess with this:





I think not! Watch out Daddy, I know where you live and sleep!

Workin' on my Fitness Melisa Style

As some of you are aware I have recently added Melisa to my list of people I stalk blogs I read. She is so cool, though her sons may not always think so they are teens and so don't count (unless they are agreeing with me) ;). One of the things I learned about Melisa is that she is a group fitness instructor, I enjoyed reading posts from the instructor's point of view. Many of you are aware that I do water aerobics, that is a group fitness class, after I graduate I will most likely be moving back to the Chicagoland area and have been contemplating how I can keep doing water aerobics there. Of course this led to the logical conclusion that Melisa is going to have to start teaching water aerobics and WeaselMomma should totally become my water aerobics buddy, how fun would that be?! I tweeted this to her and she admitted that she actually has taught water aerobics in the past but she found it boring, guess most of the people that went were little old ladies who weren't the cool ornery kind. And so with this post I am continuing my campaign to convince Melisa that my idea is brilliant and she needs to go with it (and on days she isn't our instructor she should totally join WM and I, once again I predict much fun!).

Dear Melisa,

I already showed you the post with the video of how awesome Flat WeaselMomma and I are at water aerobics and from that and meeting her one can predict that the real WeaselMomma would be even more awesome. Well I decided that I should suck up "up the ante" as OhCaptain might say and show you why you should definitely become my water aerobics instructor because I am so your kind of instructee! Back in May of 2008 you posted about how you wore one of your fabulous tiaras while teaching your spin class and it was a mega workout and challenged your readers to try it as well. Being as I did not have time to hit the "mall" before leaving for my next workout and figuring that it would probably not stay on my head given the movements we do and it could possibly rip up the swim cap so I busted out my silver and gold sharpies and the tiara swim cap was born!

Not too shabby I think, drawing a tiara on the swim cap while wearing it was not the easiest of tasks (because it stretches I figured this was really the only way to do it). I made sure to take pictures in case metallic sharpies are water soluble, wouldn't want to spend all that time and effort and not get a pictures of it! Here is another shot of me before I got in the pool, showing off my awesome water aerobics outfit and if you squint you can see them massive muscles I've gotten over time (thanks to the lifeguard for snapping this shot for me).


And to answer your question if wearing a tiara made for a more butt kicking workout:


YES IT DID! Look I'm too exhausted to even give a real/full smile and totally look like a drowned rat fabulous. And so there you have it Melisa, I am the perfect candidate for your water aerobics class (that currently doesn't exist)! We would all have so much fun, even if the rest of the class were little old ladies and WeaselMomma and I were the only young people in the pool while you taught (unless you decided to teach from the pool like some of my instructors have done or do) and the three of us were the young people if and when we had a different instructor. People would be so jealous of us given how much fun we would have while looking fantastic. And so you should definitely start teaching water aerobics again, in a heated shallow pool (cold locks up my knee and I am short and HATE deep water aerobics and freeze real easy).

Your Future Devoted Class Member,
Karen

Snonna

While catching up on her blog (or is it this one...) I once again came across Nonna's obsession with the vile white crap that falls from the sky like manna but evil and not from heaven. Never mind the death and destruction it leaves in its wake, Nonna wants to play in it! I believe her and Niecey would get along quite well as the child loves snow (she will probably grow out of it living in the midwest). I decided Niecey was old enough to play outside by herself as long as she stayed in view of the window so I could supervise her from the warmth of my aunt's place over thanksgiving. She got her fix and stopped whining and I got to be the coolest auntie ever and stay warm, perfect!

And so, for Nonna, I put aside my hatred and "played" in the snow just for her:

Note my awesome not falling skillz! And in case anyone notices, no I am not wearing gloves, I do not get adequate circulation to my fingers to be able to really wear them. I am better off keeping my hands in my pockets with the exception of when I am cleaning/shoveling the snow I have a pair of gloves that have a mitten shell that work to a point and are better than leaving my hands completely exposed to the elements. I hope you all enjoyed my romp in the snow and those of you blessed with a warm climate free of the retched stuff appreciate how awesome you have it, if not I propose a switch, I live at your place and you can hang out in the frozen wasteland! I will admit that it can be pretty, here is an example:


I snapped this shot as I power-walked across campus to get to water aerobics, I was late and so went straight from work as the sun was setting. I couldn't help but stop to capture the bell thingy with the snow and sunset thing going on. It has a fancy name that I forget how to spell and it is a huge campus landmark, it makes noise every 15 minutes and a prof plays music on it at noon and I think sometimes later in the day as well, it is cool.

The Truth About Flat WeaselMomma

So those of you who have been following the adventures of Flat WeaselMomma have probably noticed that she seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth after I hosted her. As far as we all knew she was sent to NukeDad but there has been no word of her being there. At first we all bought his excuses of being busy, I mean the man has a whole bunch of NukeChildren and NukeDogs and a NukeWife... Well I have discovered otherwise, he was trying to save face, Flat WeaselMomma left him and somehow found her way back here. This is the letter she left him:

Dear NukeDad,

Thank you so much for hosting me but I have found where I belong and I no longer wish to travel. Please do not take this to mean that I didn't have fun meeting you and your family, you are all delightful as is your climate, it makes Karen want to become the NukeMicroblogologist if McMommy won't adopt her (McMicroblogologist, McMB? With the current temp of -11°F she doesn't care what McMommy wants to call her!). When I first started this adventure I planned to go wherever the bloggers would have me, it was so exciting to think little ol'flat me would get to travel the world in the place of the real not flat WeaselMomma who is stuck in the frozen tundra of Chicago. But you know that they say, plans of weasels and moms and such... I am ready to settle down and really hope that you and everyone else understands.

Thanks,
Flat WeaselMomma

Now if any of you thinks she is referring to my apartment as where she belongs you obviously don't know Flat WeaselMomma very well. My apartment lacks caffeine and only contains isopropyl alcohol not ethanol, and she drank all my cough syrup! She is not here working in the lab nor cooking for me, not going to water aerobics, she did not join me for my latest doctor's visit like she did in November, and she is certainly not here for the climate. Nope, none of that, in fact I didn't even know she was here until I went into my boss's lab the other day and found her like this:

And so the NukeCat is out of the bag, sorry to NukeRat you out NukeDad but I didn't want you to have to keep living the lie, don't want you to end up with a NukeUlcer! Maybe after she gets past step 1 in AA she'll be willing to hit the road again, that first step is definitely a tricky one, so far the only problem she is willing to admit is that I "waste" all the ethanol using it as a disinfectant and leave less for her. And it is not like I can lock her out of the lab, the lab is locked most of the time but being flat she can easily get in and hit that bottle! I'd ask not flat WeaselMomma to help but she is too busy drinking beer and eating wings and cookie dough with Melisa. Don't worry, we'll beat this eventually (or the lab will run out of ethanol)!

Victory is Mine (and Doc's)!

As I was taking my post-water aerobics shower after having made the appointment to see Doc inspiration hit and culminated into the shirt that is pictured above, which made my nurse laugh quite hard and became a running joke throughout the appointment, which featured Doc's current new shadow that I enjoyed bragging about my exploits to (Doc often has a med student, resident or whatever following him). The shower is one of my favorite parts of the water aerobics routine, unlimited hot water that I do not directly pay for, life here doesn't get much better for this cold-blooded person. I usually relax and ponder stuff while in my utopia of warmth, for some pondering something difficult is stressful, for me not pondering is stressful. I have to mentally beat a difficult subject to death in order to be able to accept whatever reality is being thrown at me that I do not approve of. Humor is my other coping mechanism and is usually a part of the pondering process, as I dissect the issue I try to find aspects that amuse me. This doctors appointment was no different, for my dear readers and was the mental subject for every shower between scheduling the appointment and said appointment. This visit was the one I knew I would have to admit defeat, stubborn people such as myself are NOT good at accepting this.

For approximately a year, the actual time escapes all of our memories, I have been fighting Doc. See I fried my stomach on NSAIDs* trying to get my wrist functional and when the stomach became my dominant issue and PT and a steroid injection got the wrist functional again (thanks to Doc not the guy he referred me to). At some point after when the stomach became the focus he started bringing up sending me to a GI doc if I didn't get better, even had one picked out. I had the shot in November 2007, right before Thanksgiving break so I could go visit the family and recover before attempting going back to work. I think that it was sometime in January 2008 that the GI referral was first introduced. Doc knew by then that I am reluctant to agree with him on treatment options I do not want, even if they are what I need but won't admit to needing. First time I went to him for my wrist I left with no splint/brace, a week later I caved and am wearing the brace he had picked out for me the first week, he paraded 2500 of them out and I rejected all of them, based on my reactions to them he picked out only two to show me the second time. His, "you'll be back..." look gets a lot of use with me as his patient!

Back in September I was getting ready to cave on the referral, but then he/we discovered some lower GI issues added to the upper and there was a med I could try to fix it and so I wiggled out of the referral and became even more against it. Lower GI issues lead to horrible things like what NukeDad went through, I was NOT going there! After the last visit I knew I had used my last "Get out of referral free" card and that next time I whined it would be straight to the GI doc for me, thankfully I got to pass go and got 240 dicyclomine and 60 prilosec! I went in with the brilliant idea of trying to convince Doc that he could just send me for tests or perform them himself but he shot that down since only GI docs do some of the tests and he isn't allowed to shove cameras into my stomach even if he had one at his disposal and I promised not to tell nor sue. There was absolutely no wiggling out of it this time, Doc put his foot down and as I have said before to many people who questioned either his or my competancy/sanity (I make sure that it is known that it is I who refused the referral, it is not for lack of trying on his part), when he puts his foot down and tells me I am going that I will listen.

Not only did he put his foot down but he also conspired with my nurse, she did the paperwork while he examined me and listened to my crazy scheme. He also answered some of my questions, like the one that I'd been wanting to ask him for weeks. See I take 10 pills a day for my GI issues and heard of a drug in patch form that could potentially help me gain weight and the only restriction didn't apply to me, you are not to wear it on scrotal skin. Doc shook his head and laughed and told me that androderm (topical testosterone patch) is not a treatment option for me and he wouldn't put me on it. I wonder if the med student is thinking he should have gone to grad school instead... He also was nice enough to be my Jewish consult and told me that the dreidel song is just a fun song and no one should care if I change the lyrics, especially since I am not being a biggot in my song (well except idiots who don't label their containers containing chemicals and pathogens, I'm pretty prejudiced against people like that), so as soon as I sweet talk Ian into it and he has a moment or two I shall have my Label Song =)! I am quite proud of it and am planning to try and make a music video with it, we'll see what happens as far as that goes. Either way I had planned to have it recorded and put on a CD to have blasted and looped when the lab idiot (in the words of Adam Sandler, "Not a Jew") is working >=).

Note: I am sleep deprived not stoned in this picture that
makes me look like I have a more robust chest so I had to post it...

So after the required belly taps and my bragging about being a half a pound over our agreed upon lowest maintenance weight oh and he caught me eating a midday snack since I had to run over from work and didn't have a chance to eat while busting my butt to get done and across campus (he acted like it was a miracle, as if I don't eat ever, brat!) he was getting ready to go play with his next patient when my nurse comes in and hands me a piece of paper. On it is my GI appointment, not sure if it were Doc's idea or if she decided to help out poor Doc in case I somehow miraculously dodged again. And so I am going, in March (guess he is in high demand and gets behind a lot, oh my that was a sad sad pun!), and Doc is friends with him and promised to tell him to be nice to me.

OK so you all are likely scratching your heads at the title, because it is obvious that Doc won as I am going to his GI doc (I will not refer to him as my GI doc until he proves himself at least 25% the doctor my Doc is, don't think that will be easy, pray for the poor guy). The reason Doc won was because he told me he is referring me for the upper GI issues and not the lower. I had come to terms with the idea of having the stomach scope, and even was thinking about how I could use it for blog fodder, it is the lower GI tests I am completely against and in the four months I've had to contemplate I have not come to terms with the idea. Seeing it on youtube was probably the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed besides maybe my niecey's birth (ew ew ew). He told me that the GI doc might try to convince me if he feels I need it but otherwise he wants my stomach checked and my esophagus dilated. And so there you have it, I've taken the referral which is a big victory for Doc and it is on my terms so a victory for me as well. Might not have gone too well had Doc not backed down on the lower GI stuff, I am quite fanatical about my exit only policy but all in all a successful visit for both of us.

Notes to Team Karen:
To Doc: If you have decided to check this like you joked about doing today that is my opinion on the appointment. I doubt much of any of it is news to you though since you were there and are way too good at reading me. Now you can take the noncompliance note off my chart in case I am forced to see someone else who will somewhat wrongly judge me based on that... I enjoyed seeing you and everyone again and really appreciate all you do for me and all you put up with to keep me relatively healthy and happy. Thank you Doc. Oh and you have to watch the video Niecey made you! And I understand you are too busy to read blogs, pretty sure I told you that when I linked you, I don't expect you to read about my silliness, just wanted to give you the option if you wanted to or were bored between athletes.

To my nurse: You are great too!

To my drug dealer: Hi favorite pharmacy tech, thank you for enabling me!



~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~
*NSAIDs are NonSteroidal AntiInflammatory Drugs, most over the counter pain meds are NSAIDs, tylenol is the one that isn't.

The Adventures of Flat WeaselMomma: Water Aerobics

When I first joined my boss's lab she had another grad student, she was finishing up her master's degree and we became friends (I miss her terribly since she graduated and moved away, college sucks). E is a bit of a fitness nut, she believes that exercise is something that should be incorporated into a person's lifestyle, I was more of a, "can't we just go get ice cream instead?" when the subject came up. Then one day I was loitering in our office distracting her from her thesis writing (sometimes I distracted her too much but there were times she needed it, I tried very hard to balance it), she was a bit stressed as is normal for someone going through the torture that is writing a thesis and preparing to graduate and during her Karen break she mentioned how she wanted to try water aerobics but she wanted someone to go with her. After much discussion I conceded and agreed to go with her, grudgingly.

So we went and she didn't really like it, she was into a ton of cross training stuff and in shape so to her it wasn't the level of intensity she wanted it to be. And then there was me, Miss Whine Why-Do-I-Have-To-Go, and it kicked my butt and I LOVED it! I have a knee with tendinitis and probably arthritis and quickly noticed that it worked the muscles that need to be worked to possibly get the knee back into alignment, I suck at doing the at home exercises, combination of laziness, forgetfulness, and lack of motivation. Water aerobics to me is fun, working out with others around helps to entertain and motivate me, and it makes me feel good, I had gotten somewhat badly out of shape. I am totally committed to it and try to go all four days a week it is offered, I schedule my experiments in such a way that I can do both whenever possible. And so Flat WeaselMomma's visit to my world would not have been complete without her attending a water aerobics class.

I almost dropped my camera in the pool while taking video of parts of the class. The weird fuzzy stuff at the bottom of one part is a towel. And my somewhat randomly cracking up during it is in response to the others making fun of me. I had some footage that was hilarious but unfortunately one of the ladies kept getting into the shot and I don't think she wanted to, since I was in the pool I could not check the view screen to make sure, plus we move around a lot, I didn't know until later. Since I am fairly certain she did not want to be recorded (she moved away from her regular spot when I got the camera set up) and even if she doesn't care I will not post parts with her in it without her knowledge and consent. If people are interested in those parts I am willing to ask her next time I see her if she minds being in the background of a few clips and if she is fine with it then I can make either a "bloopers" vid or edit this one to include that footage. But for now I think this is kinda funny and you get the idea:

In case it is hard to understand what I was saying between the noise and my voice not being 100% back I basically said that I do this 4 days a week and thanked you for reading my blog and watching the video =). Oh and I also reinformed my bratty little sister that it is water aerobics not water dancing!