A Brewmeister's Review: Melbourne Bitter

For your enjoyment, another post written by my Daddy, the Brewmeister:


The Brewmeister is devastated. An idol died, a whole nation of idols, an entire continent of idols died. They had the reputation of being the largest per capita of beer drinkers in the entire world. Says the raven, nevermore.

I was sitting in my lower level thoroughly enjoying a cold mug of Bill’s Cheapass Ale when my daughter came in with a six pack of brew. The label said “Product of Australia”, not licensed in Canada or worse yet made in Wisconsin but made in Australia. This impressed me! I read on. It said “Melbourne Bitter”. The Brewmeister was impressed and honored with a six pack of real beer from the beer consumption capital of the entire world.

I read on; the label said 375 ml. I cannot respect a beer that uses metric measure, it is anti-American liberalism. Real American beer drinkers drink ounces, pints, and quarts. I continued to read; it said 4.6%. Very weak by Brewmeister standards but the Brewmeister respects the fact that about half of the Australian beer drinkers are women. Perhaps if the alcohol content were more realistic the Australian birth rate would be much higher.

Enough about the can and the label, the real proof of a beer comes after it is poured in the mug and tasted. I poured a can of Melbourne Bitter into my favorite mug; it looked like a beautiful Pale Ale or a light Pilsner. It was beautiful. I tasted it; the romance was over. I wanted to spew it out but my daughter would have been embarrassed. I choked it down; It was worse than any supermarket swill I ever tasted, even worse than the Korean brew we drank in the army when we were almost broke.

My heart goes out to the beer drinking people of Australia. They have a colossal advanced case of Richard’s syndrome, their taste buds have atrophied to the point of being nonexistent. Low alcohol swill is their way of life. I have seen pictures of bikini bottom clad Australian women on the beach. Beautiful but they lacked beer bellies and stretch marks. A respectable brew in pint bottles would cure these problems.

Years ago the Foster’s brewing company brewed a beer fit for human consumption called Fosters. Then they gave up their self respect and franchised it to Canada and in the finally degradation franchised it to Wisconsin. Apparently they started drinking their own swill causing their decline into Richard’s syndrome and socialism. Melbourne Bitter should never be drunk by conservative Christian capitalistic persons. Possibly it can be used as a poison to kill Cane Toads.

Can Australians be educated to home brew their own beer? They are in dire need of many, many Mr Beer home brew kits. Everything needed is available on the internet. A few pints of real beer and you won’t have to worry about your boomerang not coming back. She will never leave except to fetch you another pint!!

Thanks Daddy...

Tonight I was harassing talking to my baby sister on the phone when my dear father person started laughing hysterically. Worried that he might have drank too much of his home brew, or was getting sudden onset senility or something we inquired what he found so funny. Turns out he somehow discovered what he has dubbed my theme song on youtube. It is a blast from the past, he thinks it came out when he was in high school or maybe jr. high, so back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth. And what had my father cackling and risking brain damage due to laughing too hard to breathe? Well my dearest readers it was a song about people who are altitude-challenged like me and he learned how to send links on skype just so he could share it with me, behold my alleged theme song:

Now the question is would he have dared link me that song if he was aware of how kick ass I've become due to my water aerobics classes? I mean would YOU mess with this:





I think not! Watch out Daddy, I know where you live and sleep!

Time to Celebrate Ian!

Hello everyone, remember me, the dorky quirky microbiology grad student who goes by "The Microblogologist", "Micro", "MB", and occasionally my first name, Karen. Yeah it has been over a week since I posted, working a lot trying to knock the current project out ASAP and trying to catch up on my blog reading has not left much time for this. Oh and twitter totally does NOT help, evil addictive thing that it is! So why am I posting now? It's Ian's birthday!!!!! Put on your party hats and get ready to sing! I do NOT sing and when I write songs I make Ian sing them for me (he has finished 1 of 4 that I have written, I'm cutting him some slack because he is a first year undergrad and is in plays and operas and such, 2 or 3 at a time the past month or so) and so of course I made him sing the happy birthday song for me, feel free to join in:

OK time for the cake! I thought about having it be a dual purpose cake to also serve to celebrate Randy's journey to S. Korea but it is definitely not a "Randy cake" as it does not contain full frontal nudity, in case you want to see it and keeping in mind I am 100% NOT kidding about the nudity (my keyword list is likely to get interesting after this!) I'll link to his official farewell cake. I have never tried linking a facebook pic so if it doesn't work it doesn't work, I am NOT going to put it on my blog or into photobucket or whatever, go bug him (actually you should, he'll get sad if Gregg and I are his only readers!) Here is the cake that I got for Ian:


We've had our cake, it was pretty yummy too! The smiley face is definitely appropriate because Ian is totally a big ball of sunshine =)! Now it is time for the presents, here is what I picked out and if I were totally wealthy I would so get them for him:

Manpris for when it is too hot for pants but too cold for shorts!

Uggs, because he loves them and says they are comfy,
these match the manpris so he can show them off!

A nice polo shirt to go with the manpris and boots.

And what outfit is complete without a matching man purse!?
Coach of course!

Oh and here is another rendition of the birthday song for you Ian, I found it in the related vids for the first and HAD to post it!:



I hope you had a wonderful day, I am sorry that you had to spend it 400 miles away from your family and Pasha! My advice, celebrate it again when you go home next, it is not about the date it is about spending time with those you love. Love you kiddo!

The Dishwasher

A professor once told my class that if you have a question you should ask it and not feel stupid because most likely if it is not clear to you there will be more people who don't get it too but are too scared to ask and will be grateful you had the courage to. I took this lesson to heart and have found that when I have asked profs to clarify something there are a lot of murmurer and pens/pencils moving! So I have decided to apply this lesson to my blog, Nonna asked about the Dishwasher, who starred in my documentary about the pink goo. She wanted to know if he minded being called "The Dishwasher" and why I call him that (note: I call him by his real name most of the time).

To answer the first part of that question watch the documentary, notice that when I called him "The Dishwasher" he didn't miss a beat, the poor guy has been working in the same lab with me for way too long and so that totally didn't phase him nor upset him. The skip in the vid was my deciding to explain to him why I called him that (I totally forgot in my excitement to get the interview recorded to inform him of my privacy policy and what I named him for the blog) and asking if he minded or if he'd prefer another nickname or his real name. He laughed and said he liked "The Dishwasher" and so that he shall remain.

And as to the why, besides me being insane there are actually two reasons I call him "The Dishwasher". The first is because of the lab jerk (aka Prof Wannabe). The lab jerk is one of those go get 'em types in many regards, which can be good. His is a first class butt kisser when it comes to the higher powers (professors or people he can exploit), but us lowly fellow lab workers do not deserve his precious time that he doesn't have enough of. Idiot is a grad student in I have no idea how many clubs and wonder if he knows, and wonders why he has no time! I am in one club, which I might quit since he recently joined and seems to be taking it over, besides I don't have enough time for it really since I have to focus on my research, writing and prelims (currently 100% focus is on research). When he first started as a grad student it was after he had done a summer internship in the lab, during the summer he managed to piss everyone off including me, and I was only in for a few days before my wrist forced me to take the summer off.

Everyone but I was an undergrad in the lab and when I came back he was trying to be friends with me in hopes of having one person in the lab not loathing him. The arrogant SOB was telling me how he felt the lab dynamics should be, basically the undergrads should be our slaves and do all of our prep work and wash our dishes and basically do our job while we just do the thinking part. I tried to nicely explain that our lab did not work like that, the undergrads in our lab had experience and were among the top of their class and hand picked by the lab's prof to do actual research. These were not minimum wage freshmen, they were slightly above minimum wage upper classmen! They were hired for specific projects and undergrads here can only put in 20 hours a week working for the university while classes are in session as per university policy, that is not much time and really they did not have time to do their work and ours! His response was to say we should hire a slave then, I told him that was highly unlikely and that the prep and cleanup was our job and most grad students have to do that stuff too, least the ones I have worked with in all the labs I have worked in. His views have not changed, his attempts at trying to get me to change mine failed and we are currently mortal enemies. What has changed is the lab dynamic, the undergrads graduated and one got a real job while another decided that grad student life was for her (poor misguided soul!), suddenly we were a lab of grad students and there was but one undergrad, the lowly Dishwasher. Being the pain in the butt hilarious coworker that I am I would tease him about how he is the undergrad and I am the grad and so he should do all my work for me and wash my dishes and everything! He and I would go back and forth exaggerating the lab jerk's insane ideas a bit as a form of playing around and stress relief, working with someone like the lab jerk is highly stressful which is great for blogging since it triggers GI issues that make it hard to sleep so might as well write a blog post and feel guilty my brain is too mushy to do lit review to make my boss happy.

The other reason behind my naming him "The Dishwasher" is because as an undergrad he takes a ton of coursework, which requires a lot of time and does not leave as much time for him to do lab work. One thing that tends to suffer when one is busy and trying to get their job done is dishes. You HAVE to do prep work or you can't do the research, of course doing the research is the whole point, and in the end the only thing one can really slack on is doing the dishes afterwards. Sometimes this causes conflict, it is very annoying when you come in and all the dishes are dirty and my pet peeve is when all the sinks are full of them, the lab has 3 sinks with two basins each there is no excuse to fill them all! Also sometimes one of us who is feeling benevolent or who has given up on the person ever doing them, will just wash the dishes for that person, this makes Dishwasher feel very guilty. His way of trying to avoid conflict and guilt was to write a note on the board saying to leave the dishes for him to do. Being the smart ass comical coworker that I am I would usually either write under it that my test tubes are waiting for him on my bench or I'd tell him it in person if I saw him. Sometimes I would refer to him as the lab's dishwasher and such, yep I'm a hoot to work with!

And that my adoring public is why I call him "The Dishwasher", the combination of inside jokes and slight insult aimed at the lab jerk (who I'm naming my ulcer after if I have an ulcer, find out in a few months probably). The Dishwasher is a great person to work with, he is laid back and puts up with my silliness. I would never let him wash my dishes as that is my job, the only one I let do so is V and that is because we share when we are both working and rotate who cleans the dishes and does the prep work, easier than splitting everything up. And I told him I was going to make him famous so look forward to hearing of him in the future, when I get around to it, lol.

A Microblogologist Production

A few days ago I noticed a container in the hallway outside my lab. Being the snoop concerned citizen that I am I of course had to investigate. It was unlabeled and contained what appeared to be seeded pink hand soap. Yesterday I looked at it again and decided to make a documentary about it, enjoy:



Unfortunately the goo was gone by the time I got back to do my last set of plating so there was no explosion and no more trying to capture the pulsating/bubbling of the goo, it was fun while it lasted! The goo is actually a part of a competition thing that the food science major nerds do every year, it is a big deal to their kind and so the Dishwasher and I can't tell you what their ultra secret pink goo is at this point. If I am aware of it after the contest is over I can try and find out more about it and let you know if anyone wants. It has another endorsement from a coworker who has tried it, in its non-fermented form, no one seemed interested in trying the fermented form for some reason! If I get a memo about a taste panel for it I think I'll give it a try and maybe get a vid of it, if I have time.

Note: I am being exceedingly kind calling him the "lab jerk". He is a vile and loathsome creature (can be nice, chooses not to).

Special thanks to the Dishwasher for participating in the documentary!

Math Major Monday

The other day I was doing some prep work for my current project and was making up the tubes I need to make dilutions for spread plating. If you click that link note that it is one of my first videos and so I was still working on the whole learning to talk coherently and do lab work at the same time, lol. Oh and I plan to bring Guess that Gizmo back I just have been busy and it was not getting the response I wanted so I kind of put it on the back burner figuring I might pick up a few more readers and revive it.

Back on track. I was doing this prep work and one of the first thing one should do while doing prep work is to figure out how much of something you need. I have become a white board addict for this kind of task, don't waste paper and it is quick and easy to correct errors. The lab has a big one but lately it has been filled up with the chicken scratches of the lab jerk (he makes my crappy handwriting look good!). For that I am not really faulting him since I am as well, I tend to be less of a hog about it. It just so happened though that I had gone shopping at Cubs, which used to be the place I bought most of my groceries but the opening of the Super Walmart has changed my life forever, one stop shopping is a beautiful thing! Since I was in the area though I decided to snoop around Cubs and found a dollar bin, I am a sucker for those, LOVE the ones at Target! They had these little white boards, pretty crappy but only a dollar, I decided to get it for the lab and imagined using it to harass people. Well between lab jerk hogging the white board and me liking to have reminders to help me not miss something on a long day I've basically only used it for legitimate reasons. This day I used it to write out the calculations for figuring how much peptone water (water with stuff in it so it is gentle on the bacteria) I needed to make. Here is the picture of it with the calculations all written out:

I promise you that 3000ml (3 liters), is the correct answer. There are 72 tubes per rack. If I have any engineers I think some of them would get it and the rest are likely convulsing on the floor. I wrote it out and afterwards decided it looked funny, makes perfect sense to me but to an outsider it probably looks like a math FAIL. Anyone want to take a stab how someone with a bachelor of science degree and a calculator managed to make 1300+1440=3000? And no, it is not an example of my having lost my sanity, though the lab jerk has been pushing it to its limit lately. I keep reminding myself that the prison probably wouldn't let me have much internet access and that Doc actually checks the police blotter to see if any of his patients did something stupid (he told me after I expressed my semi-joking wish to hit lab jerk with a rolled up newspaper). I was instructed not to get my name in the paper, being the super compliant patient that I am I did actually get my name in the paper that week, just not the blotter, lol!

My boss saw it before I did and now won't stop harassing me to get going on writing up the current experiment, get the stuff that does not involve the data and data analysis written up now, so not my style though, especially after a long day in the lab! Good thing she does not know about the bloggity! Though this is seriously very very different writing wise and I am using this to try and help me sharpen up my writing skillz a bit since it has been awhile since I took a course that required that much writing and I am incredibly intimidated by this technical/scientific writing thing. I have never really done it before, my one attempt I felt sucked really bad, so it is kinda scary, but I will figure it out and she will help by ripping it to shreds until I get it right! Hopefully it won't be too bad, we shall see. Between that, and lab work, and twitter/facebook I have not had as much time for blogging, both as a writer and a reader and am behind on both, miss you all and I will eventually catch up with reading and am trying to make sure I post once in awhile so you all don't think I died or something.

One last thing before I crash, on twitter a few of us were chatting and Flat WeaselMomma came up and McMommy decided she wants to host FWM (that would be so cool) and then she started contemplating making a Flat McMommy and sending her up to hang out with the Weasels. Then the idea snowballed and she wants to come visit me and hang out in the lab too! I totally played it cool and was all saying it could be arranged but I was totally doing the excited tween girl contemplating meeting a Jonus brother or something tweens are into these days!!!!! I'd consider Flat Microblogologist but it would cause Baby Sibling to make fun of me since I am already flat, she got almost ALL the boob allowance for our family and did not leave much for Middle Sister and I, Middle Sister is the one that actually wants it too! Anyone have any ideas for what I should do if and when Flat McMommy comes to visit? For sure she'll join me in the lab but I have to show her more than just that. Something fun to think about =)

Facebook Facts Meme

Uncle Richard decided to tag me for a meme thing on facebook. Since I am a blogger I decided to do it here and not there, I only use facebook to harass people.

25 Random Things About Me:

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note containing 25 random facts about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. Until I left for grad school and with the exception of two work injuries at the deli I always went to the same clinic/hospital that I was born in.

2. Doc has spoiled me by being competent and putting up with my silliness so I'll probably die if I go back. Seriously they are messing up my middle sister, her doc never heard of fricking MS (she may or may not have MS, we don't know because he is too stupid to test her).

3. I love my plants. They have their own room in my apartment, they share it with my computer/home office.

4. When I was an infant I shared my nursery with Daddy's computer until we moved into our house not long before middle sis was born.

5. The number 5 is my favorite number, I am all into multiples of 5, LiteralDan shares this obsession.

6. I collect GIANTmicrobes, I'm such a nerd!

7. If they made my research organism I would be so happy!

8. I am seriously considering using GIANTmicrobes to decorate any future offspring's nursery, if I have girls then syphilis and kissing disease, a boy perhaps cold and the clap...

9. I would rather have girls than boys if I procreate, which means I will definitely end up with boys with only the weird family thing to protect me from that fate. My Dad has three girls and has a granddaughter, his sister (who really wanted a girl) has three boys and a grandson.

10. I have a friend who only wants boys, I told her we should plan ahead so we can trade!

11. While Richard was top speller in the 3rd grade I peaked in 2nd by winning my class's bee, I blew the first word in the big bee (thru not through, lol).

12. I wanted to write a microbiology version of the 12 days of Christmas but got too busy and sick to actually do it, maybe I'll get it written for this Christmas!

13. Researching the Dreidel Song for my newest song made me fall in love with it and I think given how Christmas seems to be trying to kill me I might want to consider celebrating Hanuka instead, of course that holiday would have 8 days instead of just 2 to get the job done should it decide to kill me too...

14. I hope Ian records my new song soon...

15. Like Richard I can't dance, we are just too pigmentally challenged my dearest adopted uncle! It was hilarious when Niecey was learning to dance, you could tell who she was copying in the beginning, the slightest bob thing was my signature dance, with my bad knee and her poor coordination at the time it was the best move for both of us. Her style has evolved a lot since then but I think you can see some of her early influences, you be the judge (the tongue out arms outstretched is a new move she invented, the zombie!):

16. When I had my appendix out I "raced" the other appendectomy kid and totally smoked him, of course I was a few years older and had the laproscopic and I think his burst and they had to cut him all the way open. Either way I gave him a head start and I dragged my own IV and held my own guts in, he had two nurses!

17. I rode a mechanical bull when I was 16 (give or take), it messed up my wrist and I suspect is part of why I messed it up so bad here. The only good part I can think of is that I was in a volunteering group and we went to the mayor of my hometown's wake and I made his widow laugh when I answered her question as to what I did to my wrist (it was splinted) with my standard, "I got into a fight with a mechanical bull, it won." It is one of the prouder moments of my life, it felt good to be able to give that poor woman something to laugh about in such a horrible time.

18. I wish I knew where my appendectomy video went, I'm afraid my mother recorded over it, it was pretty cool and I brought it to school to show my biology class.

19. I am going to ask for a vid of my stomach scope, if I think it is cool enough you will all get to see it too.

20. This is my least favorite kind of meme, I suck at thinking of stuff off the top of my head, I need inspiration to work my quirky magic!

21. I am giddy over the impeachment/impeachment trial of my former governor, my office mate told me I was enjoying reading the paper too much the other day since I kept cracking up while reading about it. Seriously how can you not when you read about how he is trying to cast himself as the victim and boycotting his own trial. He is a lovely dramatized version of Chicago politics, never trust a Chicago politician, the corruption jokes aren't actually jokes, the politicians are!

22. The thought of Blago making Oprah the replacement senator amused me greatly, I think I would have considered watching whatever channel broadcasts the senate stuff just to see if she treated it like her show, hehehe. Hell I'd consider voting for her just to see that, especially if the republican candidate sucked (probably would, it is IL and they all do in both parties)!

23. Adam Sandler has a special place in my heart, my mother really needs to start paying attention to if he is in movies she takes us to see. My prude and somewhat religious mother. Did any of you see Little Nicky? She made me see it because she somehow got free tickets and didn't want to waste them by not going even though I had a paper due the next day... Only reason she didn't walk out is because of the huge fit she threw to make us go, she was extremely offended by that movie and I enjoyed it greatly knowing that! His Zohan movie offended her too just not as much, hehehe.

24. I think I harass my doctor too much but probably don't see him as much as I should. I have trouble figuring out if whatever is bad enough to warrant a visit and since I am sickest at night and usually feel a lot better in the morning I usually put off calling for weeks. If he talked to me at 2am many nights in the past he'd have been able to convince me to have just about any test/referral he wanted. Figuring out this stuff was always Mom's job, I am so not into this grown up crap!

25. I always procrastinate going to bed, even when I am exhausted and it doesn't make much sense because I love being in bed!

Tags: Cheryl and Nonna, because you both bitched that I didn't tag you before when I made a point of not tagging anyone, congrats you've been tagged! Anyone who is bored and wants to use this has my blessing.

The Truth About Flat WeaselMomma

So those of you who have been following the adventures of Flat WeaselMomma have probably noticed that she seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth after I hosted her. As far as we all knew she was sent to NukeDad but there has been no word of her being there. At first we all bought his excuses of being busy, I mean the man has a whole bunch of NukeChildren and NukeDogs and a NukeWife... Well I have discovered otherwise, he was trying to save face, Flat WeaselMomma left him and somehow found her way back here. This is the letter she left him:

Dear NukeDad,

Thank you so much for hosting me but I have found where I belong and I no longer wish to travel. Please do not take this to mean that I didn't have fun meeting you and your family, you are all delightful as is your climate, it makes Karen want to become the NukeMicroblogologist if McMommy won't adopt her (McMicroblogologist, McMB? With the current temp of -11°F she doesn't care what McMommy wants to call her!). When I first started this adventure I planned to go wherever the bloggers would have me, it was so exciting to think little ol'flat me would get to travel the world in the place of the real not flat WeaselMomma who is stuck in the frozen tundra of Chicago. But you know that they say, plans of weasels and moms and such... I am ready to settle down and really hope that you and everyone else understands.

Thanks,
Flat WeaselMomma

Now if any of you thinks she is referring to my apartment as where she belongs you obviously don't know Flat WeaselMomma very well. My apartment lacks caffeine and only contains isopropyl alcohol not ethanol, and she drank all my cough syrup! She is not here working in the lab nor cooking for me, not going to water aerobics, she did not join me for my latest doctor's visit like she did in November, and she is certainly not here for the climate. Nope, none of that, in fact I didn't even know she was here until I went into my boss's lab the other day and found her like this:

And so the NukeCat is out of the bag, sorry to NukeRat you out NukeDad but I didn't want you to have to keep living the lie, don't want you to end up with a NukeUlcer! Maybe after she gets past step 1 in AA she'll be willing to hit the road again, that first step is definitely a tricky one, so far the only problem she is willing to admit is that I "waste" all the ethanol using it as a disinfectant and leave less for her. And it is not like I can lock her out of the lab, the lab is locked most of the time but being flat she can easily get in and hit that bottle! I'd ask not flat WeaselMomma to help but she is too busy drinking beer and eating wings and cookie dough with Melisa. Don't worry, we'll beat this eventually (or the lab will run out of ethanol)!

Victory is Mine (and Doc's)!

As I was taking my post-water aerobics shower after having made the appointment to see Doc inspiration hit and culminated into the shirt that is pictured above, which made my nurse laugh quite hard and became a running joke throughout the appointment, which featured Doc's current new shadow that I enjoyed bragging about my exploits to (Doc often has a med student, resident or whatever following him). The shower is one of my favorite parts of the water aerobics routine, unlimited hot water that I do not directly pay for, life here doesn't get much better for this cold-blooded person. I usually relax and ponder stuff while in my utopia of warmth, for some pondering something difficult is stressful, for me not pondering is stressful. I have to mentally beat a difficult subject to death in order to be able to accept whatever reality is being thrown at me that I do not approve of. Humor is my other coping mechanism and is usually a part of the pondering process, as I dissect the issue I try to find aspects that amuse me. This doctors appointment was no different, for my dear readers and was the mental subject for every shower between scheduling the appointment and said appointment. This visit was the one I knew I would have to admit defeat, stubborn people such as myself are NOT good at accepting this.

For approximately a year, the actual time escapes all of our memories, I have been fighting Doc. See I fried my stomach on NSAIDs* trying to get my wrist functional and when the stomach became my dominant issue and PT and a steroid injection got the wrist functional again (thanks to Doc not the guy he referred me to). At some point after when the stomach became the focus he started bringing up sending me to a GI doc if I didn't get better, even had one picked out. I had the shot in November 2007, right before Thanksgiving break so I could go visit the family and recover before attempting going back to work. I think that it was sometime in January 2008 that the GI referral was first introduced. Doc knew by then that I am reluctant to agree with him on treatment options I do not want, even if they are what I need but won't admit to needing. First time I went to him for my wrist I left with no splint/brace, a week later I caved and am wearing the brace he had picked out for me the first week, he paraded 2500 of them out and I rejected all of them, based on my reactions to them he picked out only two to show me the second time. His, "you'll be back..." look gets a lot of use with me as his patient!

Back in September I was getting ready to cave on the referral, but then he/we discovered some lower GI issues added to the upper and there was a med I could try to fix it and so I wiggled out of the referral and became even more against it. Lower GI issues lead to horrible things like what NukeDad went through, I was NOT going there! After the last visit I knew I had used my last "Get out of referral free" card and that next time I whined it would be straight to the GI doc for me, thankfully I got to pass go and got 240 dicyclomine and 60 prilosec! I went in with the brilliant idea of trying to convince Doc that he could just send me for tests or perform them himself but he shot that down since only GI docs do some of the tests and he isn't allowed to shove cameras into my stomach even if he had one at his disposal and I promised not to tell nor sue. There was absolutely no wiggling out of it this time, Doc put his foot down and as I have said before to many people who questioned either his or my competancy/sanity (I make sure that it is known that it is I who refused the referral, it is not for lack of trying on his part), when he puts his foot down and tells me I am going that I will listen.

Not only did he put his foot down but he also conspired with my nurse, she did the paperwork while he examined me and listened to my crazy scheme. He also answered some of my questions, like the one that I'd been wanting to ask him for weeks. See I take 10 pills a day for my GI issues and heard of a drug in patch form that could potentially help me gain weight and the only restriction didn't apply to me, you are not to wear it on scrotal skin. Doc shook his head and laughed and told me that androderm (topical testosterone patch) is not a treatment option for me and he wouldn't put me on it. I wonder if the med student is thinking he should have gone to grad school instead... He also was nice enough to be my Jewish consult and told me that the dreidel song is just a fun song and no one should care if I change the lyrics, especially since I am not being a biggot in my song (well except idiots who don't label their containers containing chemicals and pathogens, I'm pretty prejudiced against people like that), so as soon as I sweet talk Ian into it and he has a moment or two I shall have my Label Song =)! I am quite proud of it and am planning to try and make a music video with it, we'll see what happens as far as that goes. Either way I had planned to have it recorded and put on a CD to have blasted and looped when the lab idiot (in the words of Adam Sandler, "Not a Jew") is working >=).

Note: I am sleep deprived not stoned in this picture that
makes me look like I have a more robust chest so I had to post it...

So after the required belly taps and my bragging about being a half a pound over our agreed upon lowest maintenance weight oh and he caught me eating a midday snack since I had to run over from work and didn't have a chance to eat while busting my butt to get done and across campus (he acted like it was a miracle, as if I don't eat ever, brat!) he was getting ready to go play with his next patient when my nurse comes in and hands me a piece of paper. On it is my GI appointment, not sure if it were Doc's idea or if she decided to help out poor Doc in case I somehow miraculously dodged again. And so I am going, in March (guess he is in high demand and gets behind a lot, oh my that was a sad sad pun!), and Doc is friends with him and promised to tell him to be nice to me.

OK so you all are likely scratching your heads at the title, because it is obvious that Doc won as I am going to his GI doc (I will not refer to him as my GI doc until he proves himself at least 25% the doctor my Doc is, don't think that will be easy, pray for the poor guy). The reason Doc won was because he told me he is referring me for the upper GI issues and not the lower. I had come to terms with the idea of having the stomach scope, and even was thinking about how I could use it for blog fodder, it is the lower GI tests I am completely against and in the four months I've had to contemplate I have not come to terms with the idea. Seeing it on youtube was probably the most disturbing thing I have ever witnessed besides maybe my niecey's birth (ew ew ew). He told me that the GI doc might try to convince me if he feels I need it but otherwise he wants my stomach checked and my esophagus dilated. And so there you have it, I've taken the referral which is a big victory for Doc and it is on my terms so a victory for me as well. Might not have gone too well had Doc not backed down on the lower GI stuff, I am quite fanatical about my exit only policy but all in all a successful visit for both of us.

Notes to Team Karen:
To Doc: If you have decided to check this like you joked about doing today that is my opinion on the appointment. I doubt much of any of it is news to you though since you were there and are way too good at reading me. Now you can take the noncompliance note off my chart in case I am forced to see someone else who will somewhat wrongly judge me based on that... I enjoyed seeing you and everyone again and really appreciate all you do for me and all you put up with to keep me relatively healthy and happy. Thank you Doc. Oh and you have to watch the video Niecey made you! And I understand you are too busy to read blogs, pretty sure I told you that when I linked you, I don't expect you to read about my silliness, just wanted to give you the option if you wanted to or were bored between athletes.

To my nurse: You are great too!

To my drug dealer: Hi favorite pharmacy tech, thank you for enabling me!



~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~
*NSAIDs are NonSteroidal AntiInflammatory Drugs, most over the counter pain meds are NSAIDs, tylenol is the one that isn't.

Setting the Lab on Fire

Given the title there might be some speculation as to what happened in said lab. Did Karen literally set the lab on fire or is she talking figuratively? Well folks my prospects for the figurative sense definitely don't do it for me. While I like the Dishwasher he is way too young for me and I think of him as a friend. I have discussed my loathing of the more my age male grad student before, if you're new I despise him and wish he would go back where he came from (Wisconsin, if it weren't for Loren messing up my stereotype that Wisconsinites suck I'd go into that... way to redeem your home state Loren!), and neither are my type anyway. Oh yeah, the prof's son works in the lab too, also not a candidate for doing the figurative setting the lab on fire thing* being not my type and seriously going after one of my committee member's kids would definitely raise some eyebrows if he were!

All of that to say that I literally set the lab on fire. And by I set the lab on fire I mean I set a fire in the lab. This is actually a somewhat common occurrence given that I use a glass spreader when I spread plate and have to ethanol flame it between uses, as somewhat shown in the crappy video I made in an earlier post about spread plating. Once in awhile while flaming the spreader a drop of burning ethanol (95%) can fall off the stick and land on the lab bench. The black bench top is designed to be fire retardant (or maybe fire-proof, not sure) and so this is not a problem. The drop normally burns until it has burned off the ethanol and then goes out, no need to panic or get excited, it is actually kind of cool to watch. This however was not the case the other night.

Side view

A few nights ago I was plating the last set of samples for the day and talking to Niecey on the phone. The little imp has discovered that if she hits the redial button on the phone that it will call my cell. This works the majority of the time since my family is somewhat anti-social and I am one of the few people who is called using that phone. While a little awkward I am capable of doing most lab work with the phone balanced between my shoulder and ear so I answered and chit chatted with her for a bit. I saw the drop of flaming ethanol drop like I've seen probably 100 times and watched as it went under the test tube rack that I put the used tubes in. At this point I paused to watch it until it burnt out and then started spreading the plate.

Top view

As I was finishing spreading the first of two plates I shifted my focus from the plate to the suddenly up in flames test tube rack! Niecey got to hear what Auntie Kee says when she gets startled with something of that nature, it involved many repetitions of the cuss word Forest Gump made a slogan out of. Thankfully for me she already knows that one and so I was not teaching her a new word, more the proper application of said word. I finished spreading the plate I was on while trying to hold the phone and blow on the rack in hopes that would put out the flames that were quickly growing and burning towards the tubes the rack was holding. Blowing on it did not help, thankfully I was able to finish spreading the plate quickly and then I grabbed the rack and took it to the sink where I doused it with water. The test tubes in it seemed to actually protect the part of the rack they were in, thank goodness! I did NOT need to have that part burn and the tubes to start falling down into the flames. It definitely could have been worse, no one got hurt and it wasn't even that much of a fire. It was a freak accident that will hopefully never happen to me again, especially since I now know that a small drop of ethanol that looks like it burnt out is enough to light up a rack!

Angled Close Up

~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~
*While all this talk about doing a figurative setting the lab on fire thing may sound like a good plot for a porno I definitely wouldn't recommend it. Not based on experience mind you, that has so never happened, more from a I know most of what is worked on in the lab and can only imagine the rest. It would be a situation where you could walk away with a STD (aka STI and VD), diarrhea, and purple^ and green^ markings on your butt. If that floats your boat go for it, just don't let me know about it!
^PW, the male grad student, has been working with stains lately, specifically crystal violet and malachite green, he is a slob (one of the many reasons he is the object of my loathing). I have gotten dyed a few times, at first I was confused but quickly figured it out and just sigh and wish my boss would let me whack him with a newspaper like I keep asking her if I can but she keeps saying no...

My New Pet

Warning, you may need one of these if you read this post (at least I have been cracking myself up all day over it):

It is a pretty well established fact that people crave companionship, we are an at least somewhat social species. So what is a workaholic hermit graduate student living in the frozen tundra to do? Obviously the more traditional pets are out, especially since my apartment is not pet friendly and I'd have to move to one that is (think the only ones that are pet friendly are the ones that have the stupid layout and no carpet and no dryer hookup and no basement, ick), and I think the fee is $350. That and I don't like the idea of a pet that sheds, licks, jumps, makes noise, and could excrete waste on my floors. I also do not like the idea of scooping poop out of the yard or a bin. I have fish, tired of dealing with them though, way too much work for a busy/lazy person with bad joints and a knack for flooding the place when trying to clean the stupid tanks.

I have plants and adore them, but most (BFF Pasha) do not consider them pets and I will likely devote a post to them in the future so they'll get a mention but not be listed as pets. I do have the occasional transient "roommate", they are a great source of amusement for me, but usually do not stay too long. This one is a permanent resident, though I brought her in from outdoors in the state she is currently in (I think it is a she based on the abdomen) to show my mom when she came to visit me (in the much anticipated trip that never was due to her foot needing surgery), she is a small one of her kind and this year they had a population bloom and were everywhere (so fricking cool!). Had Mom visited I think she would be in California by now after seeing one of these babies:


So anyway, while reading WeaselMomma's most recent post she introduced a new idea for a pet that is perfect for the average busy college student. And here it is:

Is it?
Oh yes it is!
Cough syrup!
What a little cutie, so happy and content and low maintenance, and don't listen to the directions on the box, she lasts way more than 8 hours with no risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome (in this application, not the other use, the other use definitely has a TSS risk but if you are dumb enough to take the before mentioned statement as directions for THAT then it is natural selection and I thank you for taking yourself out of the gene pool and will nominate you for this year's Darwin Award if I hear about it)!

And she gets along with my other low maintenance pet that Middle Sister gave me years ago as a joke and can't believe I still have it. They are so BFFs!

Nice and cozy, it is good to mimic your exotic pet's natural environment to make them feel more comfortable in their new home.

Awww, they are playing leap frog, how adorable!

And there you have it, thank you WeaselMomma for the wonderful suggestion! The only problem is I don't know what to name her, maybe my readers can think of some suggestions in the comments... Oh and if you plan to adopt one of these lovely pets you might want to make sure you get unscented, my goodness does she stink up the place, her only flaw! Hopefully it will wear off soon if she becomes this blog's version of the Bathtub Gangsta, because knowing my luck you will all fall in love with her*.





~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~
*By fall in love with her I mean fall in love with the idea of me carrying her around in public, I know at least some of you people!

~By the way doesn't my new camera take awesome pictures, I LOVE it!!!!! Only good thing about breaking the one I bought in May 2008!

~~If you read this Doc you don't have to send me to Dr. Seat Stealer (J told me he is a head shrinker so I'll so know what you're up to if you ask if you can "consult" with him), I have so not lost it, this is totally normal blogger behavior! Seriously go read about the Bathtub Gangsta (it is hilarious), this may be slightly more warped than that but I totally had to do it after reading WeaselMomma's blog. I am so not helping my case am I...

Introducing the Greatest Musical Team Ever!

So I have mentioned my good friend Ian before a time or two, and there will be more mentions of him if I ever get around to editing and posting another spotlight on nutrition video I took awhile ago (there are several of those along with other vids rotting away on my hard drive). He is a music major and I have to admit that at first I was kinda skeptical about the whole music major thing since the arts tend to be glutted. Then I heard him sing, holy crap that boy is crazy talented! He doesn't just sing either, he writes music too. I LOVE this composition he wrote for class, it has its own tab on my firefox browser so I can play it whenever I want, and usually listen to it on a daily basis because it puts out happy vibes that make me smile:



Now for my credentials, I am a bored grad student who sometimes has a spark of creativity and can't sing. Ask Uncle Richard if you don't believe me, he is my concert buddy and so has actually heard the train wreck that is my singing. Or better yet ask Niecey, she tells me to stop when I sing along with the radio when taking her out and about (I admit I ham it up just to harass her). Most of my musical talent lies in my ability to play the radio. I am also able to play CDs and get the songs from them onto my computer and from there to my mp3 thingy (thanks to Pasha, knower of all things tech and saver of this non-techie's butt in tech situations over my head).

Today I have to work. Last night I was up literally all night long feeling miserable (GI issues, I am so not eating dinner tonight and having a third night in a row like this, if you read this Doc* I have a few tricks to try before calling you to discuss my terms of GI referral surrender, I am not going down without a fight! And one meal won't kill me, I have chocolate and ensure!), I decided to go in and inoculate for tomorrow's run earlier than normal and then come home and sleep a bit and then go back and finish my work. I was eating whatever that meal is that you eat when you go to bed for a few hours in the afternoon and wake up and eat cereal because you are from the north and the thought of eating anything heavier when you wake up makes you feel ill (not GI and GI issue related), and then heard the rain and sleet start to get really bad. I'd already seen the radar earlier and knew that this band was going to be nasty and last forever and go from freezing rain into snow. Can't remember if they were saying 1-2 inches of snow in the afternoon and another 1-2 tonight or if it was 1-2 total, either way it sucks. The only good thing about the snow part is that sometimes it combines with the ice in such a way to provide traction (until the university brushes it off the sidewalks leaving the extremely slick ice behind, you think they'd learn in 150 years!). So I see the horridness that is the weather in this region this time of year as I know since I have lived in the midwest all my life but still I am pissed, I HATE winter!

Then something triggers in my disoriented brain and I decide to rewrite "Deck the Halls" into a song describing the tip of the iceberg of my feelings about the weather, I don't think it is possible to adequately describe how loathsome and vile I find winter. I put it into a skype chat that is populated be my sister's friends that I have been adopted into and by and now consider the majority to be my friends as well. Ian saw this and ran with it, he changed it up a touch where I lacked in rhyming ability and I nearly fell off my chair at the ending I was laughing so hard. I've been harassing him to record my songs before, this one had the good fortune of him seeing it when he actually had everything set up and was recording another song. OK totally hilarious, literally as I typed that line he linked the song I was referring to which he had put on the uploading back burner to get our Deck the Halls collaboration up, it is amazing so check it out, especially if the song this post is about offends you, it will totally win you back over it is that good!

Disclaimer: The F-word is featured VERY heavily in this song, if you are offended by this do not listen (nor click the F-word link, which is one of my favorites), if you have children present or are at work you may want to consider waiting. Or you can use Auntie Cheryl's rule and tell them, "Never repeat the horrible things Auntie Cheryl (or Auntie Kee and Ian in this case) says!" so you can listen to what I am quite proud of (non-profane lyrics below):



Here are the lyrics minus the swearing:
Deck the trees with freezing rain.
'Tis the season to be lame.
Don we now our not gay like Ian's winter apparel**.
Troll the sidewalks for not slick patches.
See the blazing snow come after.
Strike the sidewalk and break our [butts]***.
Follow me in dreary weather.
While I say it's bad as ever.
Fast away the driveability passes.
[Heck] this sucks ye lads and lasses.****

And now, those of you who have not been driven away by my vulgarity (all of which is mine, Ian did not add any), I have to get ready to brave this storm so I can try to get to bed early so I can somehow get my butt to work at 10am (instead of 11am, ew!). Too bad the secret motivation blog members would probably kill me if I joined them since I am struggling to keep on and at times gain weight, seriously how could they not want to kill me when one of my goals would be "maintain/gain weight without resorting to eating own weight in chocolate" (and two of them have my address!). At risk of hate comments/mail I envy those who want to lose weight, I've actually been there and looking back it was so much better, much less painful.




~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section*****~~~~~
*My doctor knows about my blog and has the URL but most likely does not have time to actually read it, seriously he has to read doctor stuff to stay ahead of my broken self as well as take care of his other, probably much less ornery, patients many of which are athletes and he has to go to their stuff and make sure natural selection doesn't select against the more valuable ones (hasn't lost one yet, go Doc!). My little disclaimers are there in part because it amuses me to pretend he reads and in case he does because he does care and I don't want to worry him too much and in this one give him a heads up that most likely I will be seeing him in the next couple weeks. Him being awesome earned him that at great expense to myself since he is way sharper and quicker witted than I, even with me prepped and him not for what I am going to throw at him, so really I am giving him even more of an advantage. Though I do have a good one up my sleeve...
**The use of the word gay is not meant to be offensive in any way except to Uggs, Ian wears the same ones as his mommy (she totally is copying him). Ian and I both love gay people and I love making fun of his Uggs.
***The real lyrics use the more vulgar word for the posterior...
****Yeah, little stronger than heck and I suppose I'm borderline on sucks, when I was a kid it was considered a swear but I think that society has excepted that as being a bit rude but not an actual profanity.
*****I seem to have started something here, Nonna and Sibling have both started copying me copying LiteralDan. I get minion points for having underminions right Dan? Either way it totally cracks me up!

Navigationally Challenged

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses; strengths to help you get through life and weaknesses to keep you humble. One of my weaknesses is the fact that I am navigationally challenged. Once I have been a place enough times I am pretty good at getting around but until I am used to it I can get turned around and lost quite easily. I was discussing this with WeaselMomma on one of her recent posts, I was telling her that if I ever went to Philly (her home town) that I would probably end up calling her hopelessly lost and she'd have to figure out where I was and get me unlost, or that I would have to kidnap her and use her as a prophylactic but in this case as a guide so I didn't get lost and not in terms of antibiotics* nor birth control.** I then revealed to her that I was navigationally challenged to the point of getting lost in my hometown and she said she wanted to hear this one so I am indulging her and the rest of you with one of my slightly less finer moments, enjoy.

It was the fall of 2001, I had graduated high school, gotten my driver's license, became a deli clerk, and got my first car, a 1988 Mercury Topaz that was my grandma's but she had stopped driving and it was just sitting in her driveway collecting wasp nests, a fact that scared the shit out of my mother (Hi Mom, I saw you save my blog address so you don't have to hide if you are reading this, I was getting ready to link you anyway). I started college that August at Benedictine University, a small private university in Lisle, IL. It was an interesting transition for me, not only was I new to the whole college thing but I had my K-12 in public school (a good system) and it doesn't take much guesswork to figure out that Benedictine is a catholic school given the being named after a saint thing.

At Benedictine Christian values are something they strive to instill in their students no matter what religion they are, this was rather apparent in their humanities classes, especially the first one that all students are required to take. In that course I was given an assignment, I was to do 10 hours of community service and write a report about the experience. This assignment proved very difficult for me, not only did I now have a full time course load but I was also a deli clerk and up until that summer I had been in a coed youth program through the Boy Scouts of America called Venturing Crew. My crew dissolved before I started college. While in crew I did many hours of community service, without crew I had no outlet and had to find my own place to volunteer, and most I thought of and contacted didn't have anything or I needed to have background checks or other nonsense that prevented me from doing it. Finally I found a nursing home that was happy to have some free labor, and it happen to be in my hometown, score!

A little bit about my hometown. It is a rather small suburb of Chicago. According to the sign last time I saw it there are 24,600 people in my town, obviously this is a somewhat rough estimate but close enough. Almost no one has heard of this little town, it isn't uncommon for people from neighboring burbs to have not heard of it. I was about a year and a half old when my family moved to this town and lived there until I finished my undergraduate work and moved here for grad school. So one would assume that I know this town quite well right? Well you assumers are wrong, I know parts of this town very well, the nursing home in question was NOT in my area, which was still very small since I had only recently started driving. My mom told me she knows where this place is, it is past 63rd street she tells me. And so confident in my abilities I got in my trusty Mercury and hit the road.

I get on the street the place is on and am driving along and get to 63rd street and start looking for a nursing home, I didn't see one. I kept going a ways until I decided I must have missed it and so turn off the main road onto a side street so I can turn around legally (too much traffic to do one of the U-turn using all 4 lanes my daddy taught me and I have made my own). Unfortunately for me this stupid side street had some odd twists (I was going around the block instead of finding a driveway to use figuring it would be easier, hah!) and instead of ending back on the main road I was on I got on another road that I thought was the main road but wasn't. At this time I had this really bad instinct to keep driving, I used to always do that when lost, just keep driving in hopes I would eventually get somewhere I recognized. In my defense I had not diagnosed myself as navigationally challenged yet and used to be dumb enough to think this method might work.

I drove until the road I was on either ended or forked and kept going and going. Eventually I saw a Jewel, which is a grocery store chain, and decided enough was enough and stopped to find out where the heck I was and call for help. I walk into the Jewel and find an associate and asked them what town I was in, the answer was Countryside, which is several towns over and around 6 miles from my hometown, though I took the insanely "scenic" route. I found out the street names and got on my cell phone (which only had 75min/month so I never used it) and called Grandpa and told him where I was and asked how to get home. He gave me specific enough instructions and so I went on my merry way.

The funny/ironic part was as I got back on the street I was on and drove further I drove into LaGrange, the town I was born in, where my clinic/hospital was and oh yeah, where I went to church for quite a few years. I was not far along at all when I started recognizing the landmarks, the road I was on was the road we took to get to church, except we turned before Countryside since it was in LaGrange, once I was in LaGrange I knew exactly where I was and how to get back. So my strategy funnily enough would have worked had I stuck with it about a block or two more, which is probably why I later used it when trying to navigate elsewhere with generally bad results. Instead of going home I decided that since I had been driving for like an hour or so I should at least try to make it to the nursing home, which Grandpa told me was BEFORE 63rd street. I found it and worked for a few hours, the next day I went back for a few more and then was too busy to get the full 10 so wrote it up as was and turned it in for a not so good grade.

And that dear readers is how I got lost in my hometown. Since then I have actually improved in my abilities to turn around and am a little better at navigating. It helps that I generally refuse to go anywhere without mapquest directions. Oh and my getting a little mixed up on my way to the Weasel's house was totally the weather's fault. I went during a bit of a snow storm that consisted of somewhat sticky blowing snow that coated the street signs and reduced visibility. That said if I ever do go to Philly I will likely get myself GPS chipped and steal WeaselMomma along the way!

~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~
*Use of antibiotics in a patient without a bacterial infection that has a risk of contracting one is the application of the word prophylactic that I encounter and use the most.
**Referring to various birth control methods as prophylactics was the application I actually forgot about when commenting on WeaselMomma's blog, proving once again that I am a nerd and my blog title is quite appropriate in more than just the figurative sense.

Christmas 2, Microblogologist 0

First off, merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate Christmas, to those of you that do not disregard the merriment if you so choose, you can definitely be merry if you want, whatever works for you and happy Hanukkah to my Jewish reader(s) and to Doc (if you read this Doc my present to you is I gained about 2 pounds in mostly healthy ways). That said Christmas is kicking my ass. Last Christmas I spent inside my car, outside my apartment, in the freezing cold weather we in the midwest all know and love *cough despise cough* before going to work for a few hours and then having company over in the form of a police officer and three firefighters. This Christmas so far does not seem like it is going to turn out much better. What you want me to go into excruciating detail? OK, for you my dear readers I will.

Round One: Christmas 2007 v Microblogologist

Last Christmas I was supposed to go see my family only they were sick. I was dating a guy who lived at home with his parents and his dad (who is awesome) has cancer and is immunocompromised. My goal in life at the time was to get to see boyfriend and not kill his father (who I adore). I also did not like the sounds of the diseased masses that was my family at the time, seriously ew. The year before I went to their place for thanksgiving and they decided to give me more than thanks, they gave me influenza, thanks family! After that I tended to avoid going home if they had some form of pestilence but especially with the immunocompromised in my life (besides bf's dad there was also my diabetic friend and her former premie son, aka my godson Buggy).

So I decided to wait it out and go home for new years instead. I was not thrilled with this, missed everyone and had worked my butt off to get my experiment done in time so I could have gone and all but I was trying to make the best of it. I had found a duck at the store for a good price and decided to make it for my meal, might as well celebrate with a nice meal. I baked the duck and I think made mashed potatoes and beans to go with it, some of my favorites. Right when my dinner was done the carbon monoxide detector decided that to inform me that I was going to die.

I opened the kitchen window (it was probably in the 20°F range, thanks Pasha for teaching me that alt 248 = °), turned on the stove vent thing, and muted the CO detector and sat down to eat. Unfortunately the stupid detector only stays muted for a short time before telling you that you are going to die some more in its own special ear splitting way. I think death may in fact be preferable to the horrid pain the alarm inflicts on my poor ears! I kept muting it for a bit but eventually got frustrated and moved me and my meal out into my car so I could at least eat it instead of having to get up every 30 seconds to hit the alarm. I called my BFF Pasha from the car because I knew it would make his Christmas to hear I was eating Christmas dinner in Oldsie, it did, Merry Christmas you bastard! (I swear we really are friends!)

I finished eating and the damn alarm was still going off so I decided to let the apartment air out some more and go get some work done, not like I had anything better to do. I went back in to get some stuff and open more windows and then abandoned ship. I went to work and enjoyed having the lab to myself and made up a bunch of dilution blanks, which I use to see how many bacteria are in a sample. I got back home around 1am and the damn alarm was STILL GOING OFF! The neighbor was outside smoking and told me that it was ok since he could sleep through it, I was soooo glad. What really ticked me off was the fact that the neighbors knew the alarm was going off but none of them checked on me, this is not the first time alarms have gone off in the building and they have ignored them. I check when I hear one, if it were in their apartment I would knock and see if they were ok if it went off for more than a few minutes, maybe it is a cultural thing... So I decide it is time to call the after hours number listed and get the ISUPD and they dispatched a cop and called the fire dept. They did not find any CO in my apartment and pulled the battery from the alarm. My guess is that there may have been CO produced by my oven that triggered it and then it got stuck on, could have been defective just as easily, wouldn't be the first time for either scenario in this neighborhood. Definitely a Christmas FAIL.

Christmas 1, Microblogologist 0

Round 2: Christmas 2008 v Microblogologist

As my regular readers know I contracted a plague (respiratory virus not bubonic) at the end of October when a professor decided to visit my lab and share the viral love. I quarantined myself for over 3 weeks and almost didn't go visit my family for thanksgiving but Doc checked me out and told me that I had a secondary infection and was no longer contagious and to get my butt out of here and go see my family. He didn't send me off without drugs of course, he is my drug lord after all. He sent me over to the drug dealers and they hooked me up with an antibiotic (highly debated) and these cool little cough suppressant pills. He tried to put me on two antibiotics but I protested and got it down to one, having a wacky GI tract to begin with I didn't want to beat the crap out of it with antibiotics. My Bubbie (grandma) basically called me an idiot for not listening to him and taking both, the woman who pretty much tells her friends I am a genius and going to cure cancer or something (highly unlikely), Mom also thinks I should have taken both. I currently think that I should have had both but perhaps staggered them, my GIT has been acting up a bit since I had the first round so who knows how bad it could be if I had two at the same time unbalancing the system. Remember, I do approve of antibiotic usage when it is needed.

So I took my meds and went for thanksgiving and had a blast. The antibiotics seemed to help but they did not knock it out completely, I am still sick. Thankfully I became a functional not contagious sick person so I was able to get back to work and worked my butt off since the day I got back so I could be done with the current experiment before Christmas. I did in fact finish it, not counting the ones I have to redo and we were supposed to leave the 23rd for Chicago (we as in Baby Sibling aka my babysitter aka The Unmarried Housewife), but I lost track of time and we weren't ready to go at a reasonable hour and I was starting to feel my sinuses building up pressure. The plan was to leave early today but I was feeling progressively sicker and my sinuses want me dead so that didn't happen. I am hoping that tomorrow I will feel better and be able to make the trip but either way I believe this round goes to Christmas.

Christmas 1, Microblogologist 0

Final Score: Christmas 2, Microblogologist 0

Cough Syrup Bender

For two weeks I have been symptomatic with a respiratory virus, as I have previously complained about. I saw a doctor, not MY doctor since it was a last minute squeeze me in on a Saturday appointment, to get a strep test. I was pretty sure it was viral but I wanted to make sure. I was right, both the rapid strep test and the culture based strep test came back negative. This was good in that I do not like being on antibiotics, I will go on them if I need them but it has to be for a very good reason. The bad part is that if it were bacterial I could have gone on an antibiotic and been better long before now.

After seeing not my doctor (and not my nurse), I went over to the pharmacy to discuss treatment options. I am on meds to help me digest my food safely, the main one does not play well with others and basically rules out my taking most over-the-counter meds. He told me I could ingest halls cough drops and recommended gargling salt water and/or spraying it up my nose. So I tried the cough drops, my normal at home treatment of sore throats and coughing, and for awhile they helped but after a few days I started feeling sick when I took them. Then I started to get better and the beginning of this week I told my boss I would very likely be going in and seeing her to discuss the experiment I finished and to plan the next round of it (I am going to repeat the experiment three times, this ensures that the data I collect are* good). Of course telling my boss I was on the mend caused a total relapse and I have been feeling worse lately than when I first came down with this plague.

Since the cough drops were not helping I decided to try the salt water gargle treatment, holy crap I am never ever doing that again! At first I wondered if I put too much salt in (I probably did), so I tried plain water and the result was the same, I am unable to gargle without choking/gagging. After staying up coughing two nights in a row I got desperate and sent my doctor a whiny e-mail asking him if there were any meds I could take. He e-mailed me back, normally he doesn't since he does not want to violate the stupid privacy rules but I begged him to since I knew I would not get the call from him or my nurse, I was so excited! He instructed me to go to the pharmacy and ask for the special cough syrup that contains codeine. Being the most compliant patient in the world I did.


My pharmacists predict that while on this stuff I will be rather knocked out. It was suggested that I likely should not drive by the student pharmacist they suckered into doing my drug counseling (I asked him what he did to piss them off), the pharmacist who tends to find me hilarious added that walking might not be a good idea either. They laughed when I brought up the fact that I have my doc's e-mail address AND a blog, both of which Doc knew when he told me to go on this stuff... This of course proves that my doc is the best doc ever, he is willing to risk my stoned e-mailing him to help me survive this plague! Unless of course he is working on rounding out his psych referral... I wonder how surprised he'll be that I actually picked the stuff up, I am not really into the idea of taking narcotics after watching my middle sister and a dear friend get addicted to them. Oh well, I will only be on it for a short time, if it does not help then Doc wants to see my sorry sickly self.

And so dear readers Flat WeaselMomma and I are going on a cough syrup bender** this weekend and hopefully I will be ready to join the real world soon!


Picture Disclaimer: These pictures are totally staged, though most likely it will look like this but with me in bed not in the living room. And no Fizz I will not be making a video of me "high" on the cough syrup, it would be the boringest video ever given than my voice is shot and I will just cough and go to sleep.

~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~
*I used are instead of is because the word "data" is plural.
**I have been on narcotics before when I had my appendix out, they put me to sleep and make me stare at walls and nothing more. I am a very boring druggie, I was also a very boring drunk the one time I let myself get drunk (I was 23 and my mother is STILL scandalized by it and I wasn't even that drunk!). I am kinda proud of the fact that I am at my most amusing when I am stone cold sober =).