Sunday, January 18, 2009

My New Pet

Warning, you may need one of these if you read this post (at least I have been cracking myself up all day over it):

It is a pretty well established fact that people crave companionship, we are an at least somewhat social species. So what is a workaholic hermit graduate student living in the frozen tundra to do? Obviously the more traditional pets are out, especially since my apartment is not pet friendly and I'd have to move to one that is (think the only ones that are pet friendly are the ones that have the stupid layout and no carpet and no dryer hookup and no basement, ick), and I think the fee is $350. That and I don't like the idea of a pet that sheds, licks, jumps, makes noise, and could excrete waste on my floors. I also do not like the idea of scooping poop out of the yard or a bin. I have fish, tired of dealing with them though, way too much work for a busy/lazy person with bad joints and a knack for flooding the place when trying to clean the stupid tanks.

I have plants and adore them, but most (BFF Pasha) do not consider them pets and I will likely devote a post to them in the future so they'll get a mention but not be listed as pets. I do have the occasional transient "roommate", they are a great source of amusement for me, but usually do not stay too long. This one is a permanent resident, though I brought her in from outdoors in the state she is currently in (I think it is a she based on the abdomen) to show my mom when she came to visit me (in the much anticipated trip that never was due to her foot needing surgery), she is a small one of her kind and this year they had a population bloom and were everywhere (so fricking cool!). Had Mom visited I think she would be in California by now after seeing one of these babies:


So anyway, while reading WeaselMomma's most recent post she introduced a new idea for a pet that is perfect for the average busy college student. And here it is:

Is it?
Oh yes it is!
Cough syrup!
What a little cutie, so happy and content and low maintenance, and don't listen to the directions on the box, she lasts way more than 8 hours with no risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome (in this application, not the other use, the other use definitely has a TSS risk but if you are dumb enough to take the before mentioned statement as directions for THAT then it is natural selection and I thank you for taking yourself out of the gene pool and will nominate you for this year's Darwin Award if I hear about it)!

And she gets along with my other low maintenance pet that Middle Sister gave me years ago as a joke and can't believe I still have it. They are so BFFs!

Nice and cozy, it is good to mimic your exotic pet's natural environment to make them feel more comfortable in their new home.

Awww, they are playing leap frog, how adorable!

And there you have it, thank you WeaselMomma for the wonderful suggestion! The only problem is I don't know what to name her, maybe my readers can think of some suggestions in the comments... Oh and if you plan to adopt one of these lovely pets you might want to make sure you get unscented, my goodness does she stink up the place, her only flaw! Hopefully it will wear off soon if she becomes this blog's version of the Bathtub Gangsta, because knowing my luck you will all fall in love with her*.





~~~~~Copy LiteralDan Section~~~~~
*By fall in love with her I mean fall in love with the idea of me carrying her around in public, I know at least some of you people!

~By the way doesn't my new camera take awesome pictures, I LOVE it!!!!! Only good thing about breaking the one I bought in May 2008!

~~If you read this Doc you don't have to send me to Dr. Seat Stealer (J told me he is a head shrinker so I'll so know what you're up to if you ask if you can "consult" with him), I have so not lost it, this is totally normal blogger behavior! Seriously go read about the Bathtub Gangsta (it is hilarious), this may be slightly more warped than that but I totally had to do it after reading WeaselMomma's blog. I am so not helping my case am I...

11 comments:

Weaselmomma said...

You are too much!!!!! I almost lost it! I love your new pet and hope it gets over that cough soon. I'm not sure about a name. Just not "Flo".

The Microblogologist said...

Hehehe, you should have seen me when the little light bulb went off while reading your post and then watched as I ran around my apartment gathering up the supplies to make it happen. I've been all giggly and such all day. And I finally found a use for that cough syrup, it is on the list of meds I can't take but was pretty perfect for this application. Thanks (I think) for the inspiration! The best name I can think of is "Tammy" but that is kinda lame, lol.

Melisa with one S said...

OMG...that is hilarious.

And sort of sick.

But I love it! :)

K'man said...

I cannot believe that I am taking part in this and I know it isn't quite right but how about "maxi-mouse"? or maybe "mouse-tex"?
seriously, your 'pet' is nearly as good as my fake cat that I got on a motorcycle trip back in '02.
One thing, I didn't see any ears?

The Microblogologist said...

Melisa: I feel the same way, part of me was laughing and part was thinking, "You are seriously going to pretend a tampon is your pet for the whole internet?!"

Kevin: I think you should blog about your fake cat, I wanna see a picture of it! Maybe someday I'll consider moving up to a fake cat, not quite ready to take on that responsibility at this point. Your name suggests made me laugh, hehehe. I suppose if I go with either I will have to give it ears somehow, normally of course they do not have them ;).

Pasha said...

How about Rusty? Refer to Stephen Lynch as to why I present that name.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JH0dM9y26Zo

NukeDad said...

Dental floss? As a pet? OH! Nevermind.....

The Microblogologist said...

Pasha: People would probably get it confused with my car! And my people are wise, not that the information in that song has any relevance to your situation ;).

NukeDad: Did you really think it was dental floss? I've never seen floss look like that before, maybe things are different in your parts...

Note on the NC v TN "battle" for 4th: Currently (as of 3am Central 1/19/09) it is a tie with 108 visits each.

nonna said...

hilariously sickedly twisted. i'm tryin to think up a good name...

nonna said...

so far hubby and i have brainstormed these names for your "pet": damnit, curselina(the curse), pluggy, tampolina(thumbalina) that's all that we can come up with for now, but you gotta check out this website i just found:
tampon crafts

The Microblogologist said...

Nonna: I was getting worried, you normally comment within minutes of me posting! I of course totally blame this post on WeaselMomma, she is the one who came up with the tampons as pets idea, I just was the one crazy enough to actually carry it out, hehehe. Your and hubby's name suggestions are great, I think I like Tampolina the best, lol.