Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Truth About Flat WeaselMomma

So those of you who have been following the adventures of Flat WeaselMomma have probably noticed that she seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth after I hosted her. As far as we all knew she was sent to NukeDad but there has been no word of her being there. At first we all bought his excuses of being busy, I mean the man has a whole bunch of NukeChildren and NukeDogs and a NukeWife... Well I have discovered otherwise, he was trying to save face, Flat WeaselMomma left him and somehow found her way back here. This is the letter she left him:

Dear NukeDad,

Thank you so much for hosting me but I have found where I belong and I no longer wish to travel. Please do not take this to mean that I didn't have fun meeting you and your family, you are all delightful as is your climate, it makes Karen want to become the NukeMicroblogologist if McMommy won't adopt her (McMicroblogologist, McMB? With the current temp of -11°F she doesn't care what McMommy wants to call her!). When I first started this adventure I planned to go wherever the bloggers would have me, it was so exciting to think little ol'flat me would get to travel the world in the place of the real not flat WeaselMomma who is stuck in the frozen tundra of Chicago. But you know that they say, plans of weasels and moms and such... I am ready to settle down and really hope that you and everyone else understands.

Flat WeaselMomma

Now if any of you thinks she is referring to my apartment as where she belongs you obviously don't know Flat WeaselMomma very well. My apartment lacks caffeine and only contains isopropyl alcohol not ethanol, and she drank all my cough syrup! She is not here working in the lab nor cooking for me, not going to water aerobics, she did not join me for my latest doctor's visit like she did in November, and she is certainly not here for the climate. Nope, none of that, in fact I didn't even know she was here until I went into my boss's lab the other day and found her like this:

And so the NukeCat is out of the bag, sorry to NukeRat you out NukeDad but I didn't want you to have to keep living the lie, don't want you to end up with a NukeUlcer! Maybe after she gets past step 1 in AA she'll be willing to hit the road again, that first step is definitely a tricky one, so far the only problem she is willing to admit is that I "waste" all the ethanol using it as a disinfectant and leave less for her. And it is not like I can lock her out of the lab, the lab is locked most of the time but being flat she can easily get in and hit that bottle! I'd ask not flat WeaselMomma to help but she is too busy drinking beer and eating wings and cookie dough with Melisa. Don't worry, we'll beat this eventually (or the lab will run out of ethanol)!


Weaselmomma said...

Too funny, I am sure there is a keg in NukeVille with my name on the tap!

NukeDad said...

Nice theory, but FWM has been incarcerated in the NukePrison for crimes against humanity. I have the pictures (and the prisoner) to prove it. The whole truth will come soon as I post about it. Which will be soon, I promise.

The Microblogologist said...

WeaselMomma: I'll tell her that, maybe that'll convince her ;).

NukeDad: I'll look forward to it, though of course it will be bittersweet since I won't be able to harass you about it anymore, haha.

OhCaptain said...

I think NukeDad is stalling. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

The Microblogologist said...

Yes Sir, Captain Sir!